Category Archives: F

1990s, 1992, Action, F, Fantasy, Grade, Horror, monster, Review, review-movie, Year

Film Review: Winterbeast – 1992

April 8, 2022 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Christopher Thies
Principal Cast	Tim Morgan as Whitman Mike Magri as Stillman Charles Majka as Charlie Bob Harlow as Mr. Sheldon
Release Date	1992
Language(s)	English
Running Time	77 minutes
Report Card	Click to go to Review TLDR/Summary

Whitman (Tim Morgan) stares at the disfigured man.

Sergeant Whitman gazes upon a person smiling on a chair. Despite being privy to the person’s face from the start of the scene, Whitman only reacts in aghast to the deformities on the person’s face when the film cuts to a face reveal for the audience. Out of nowhere, a stop-motion skeleton figure makes its appearance and we cut to Whitman reacting in an increased panic at the spectral entity; there is no effort made to incorporate both the live action and stop-motion visual into one scene and Whitman’s reaction is the only connective tissue letting the viewer know this is all taking place in the same environment. To add to the chaos, the deformed person starts to rip at his own flesh. This disturbing sequence is then revealed to be Whitman’s nightmare as he tosses and turns in bed.

However, instead of easing the viewer in to the story by showing the sleeping character, Whitman, waking up and confirming the vision before getting to their day-to-day, Winterbeast instead chooses to cut to another equally out-of-context nightmarish scene, this time of a skeletal creature coming out of another man’s stomach. Then, the story cuts to two completely different characters, Ranger Stillman (Mike Magri) and Dick (Bill MacLeod), providing the viewer no context by which to ground that which came previously. Whitman eventually shows up to the station and is informed by Stillman, who we learn works for the former, that Dick, an on-goer, found one of Whitman’s other rangers, Bradford (Lissa Breer), abandoned in the mountain and was unable to find another ranger, Tello (David Mica), accompanying her. The group makes plans to investigate the trail the next day.

Suddenly, the scene changes and we cut to a completely different woman. She gets undressed in her abode when another stop-motion creature, a large tree, enters the area she’s in. A slasher-styled P.O.V shot is used to show the creature approaching the woman. He reaches and grabs her from her room; the film opts to transform the woman into a stop-motion figure to keep visual consistency with the tree-monster. The monster then slams the woman’s body against the wall, seemingly killing her.

This haphazard cutting from and to scenes with whiplash-inducing changes in perspective are par for the course in Winterbeast, a fascinating movie that operates on pure kinetic momentum and nothing more. Continuity in narrative or within scenes matters less than entertaining at every stop along the way which is why the movie constantly meanders from point to point with a loose reverence for earlier narrative threads ; the focus is always getting to the next moment of violence, context be damned. The structure of the movie diverges very little from this opening structure: the characters gather information about, or seemingly about the disappearance and then a different stop-motion creature kills another character, usually unrelated to the story outside of their carnage candy role.

If there is a larger overarching plot, it’s about Whitman and company trying to circumvent a Jaws mayoral-like figure in the form of the town lodge’s owner, Mr. Sheldon (Bob Harlow), who refuses to close the lodge down despite the mystery surrounding the disappearance and the resulting supernatural phenomena. Unfortunately, while the plot synopsis seems like a springboard to jump off of, Winterbeast makes very little use of it. Nothing in the story is built up enough to generate an investment on the part of the viewer. The characters have very little to say to one another in the ways of motivation or traits, the different monsters/creatures that the story utilizes have no coherent overarching identity or relevant differentiable characteristics, and the acting is so far removed from the spectacle that it becomes impossible to care about what’s happening outside of sheer curiosity.

Whitman (Tim Morgan) and Charlie (Charles Majka) talk in a Natives decorated room.

There’s an attempt to couch the mystery within a Native Indian dressing that even goes so far as to suggest one of Whitman’s friend’s, Charlie (Charles Majka), is a stand-in for Natives within the context of the story, but then does nothing to explain or relate any of the violence or the mystery proper to the Natives outside of the most superficial sense of possible; they might as well not have been in the the movie at all which is a shame because the proximity to the Natives is one of the only consistent visuals in the mise-en-scène.

Without any genuine way to relate to the narrative, all the movie has going for it is the spectacle, and the quality of what it has to offer is inconsistent at best. Outside of the general incongruity resulting between treating the pure stop-motion scenes and the live action as part of the same environment, the sound design is severely disorienting. While the movie tries to use its soundtrack in the vein of Halloween to ratchet up the tension and create a feeling of the dread, it fails to evoke the slightest sense of unease ; because the track often noticeably cuts before looping back in on itself during longer scenes, any notion of tension immediately dissipates and the audio becomes farcical. This feeling is exacerbated by poor sound mixing; the score and/or background-noises like the wind or leaves become so loud as to obscure the dialogue or one another, culminating in scenes where the impact of any.

In spite of that, where director Christopher Theis and producer Mark Frizzell’s Winterbeast succeeds is in its sheer dedication to presenting a cinematic “something. Just like Obayashi does in House, they impart such passion to presenting a vision, albeit a vision that seems incomprehensible by most measures, that one can’t help get caught up in at least appreciating the effort. For all its issues, if there’s one thing Winterbeast is not it’s lacking in passion. Where other teams might see the inability to properly incorporate their stop-motion creatures with the live action nature of their shooting and subsequently can the creatures in lieu of something more tame, this movie opts for the full vision, no holds barred. If the people and monsters can’t mingle directly, then P.O.V shots and stop-motion people will have to suffice; it’s better than fully compromising on the spectacle of what-could-be.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Winterbeast is a movie of pure passion that’s put together with no other purpose than to stay consistently entertaining. It sacrifices narrative coherence, thematic resonance, character development, and even visual continuity to ensure that spectacle upon spectacle can be presented; the movie so fervently goes for broke in trying to do something that in spite of all its failures its not a miserable experience. Echoing the poster tagline, the movie “must be seen to be believed.”
Rating	1.5/10
Grade	F

Go to Page 2 for the spoiler discussion and more in-depth analysis.
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2020s, 2021, F, Grade, Horror, Past, Review, review-movie, slasher, splatter, Thriller, Year

Film Review: Halloween Kills – 2021

November 5, 2021 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	David Gordon Green
Principal Cast	Jaime Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode James Jude Courtney as Michael Myers Judy Greer as Karen Andi Matichak as Allyson Anthony Michael Hall as Tommy Doyle
Release Date	2021
Language(s)	English
Running Time	105 minutes
Report Card	Click to go to Review TLDR/Summary

NOTE: This is a new release and the review is based off a theatre viewing. This means the review won’t feature common elements like visual analysis, extended theme analysis, or long-form discussions of the cinematic techniques being used. Once I am able to get a copy of the movie to watch, pause, analyze, and get stills from the review will be updated to match the current site’s standard.

As a fan of director David Gordon Green’s 2018 namesake, revival and sequel to John Carpenter’s original 1978 masterpiece, Halloween, I was hopeful that Halloween Kills would continue its predecessor’s measured approach at delving into the psychology of the characters, namely Laurie(Jaime Lee Curtis), in relation to Michael(James Jude Courtney). While not in the same league as the original, Green’s previous film at least seems to understand that the terror of Michael stems not just from his brutality but from his inability to be understood or cognized. As an emissary and force of evil, he remains an enigma.

Unfortunately, Kills forgets this key fact and throws nuance to the wind in favor of brash and abrasive points, many of which become especially confusing when given a few moments thoughts. The film’s title sequence serves as warning for what’s to come. In contrast to Carpenter’s original film’s eerie and evocative opening sequence which sets its pace with a slow push in on a jack-o-lantern that flickers menacingly, Halloween Kill’s introduction opts for something more grandiose, pushing in on a sea of flaming jack-o-lanterns which dissipate upon contact with the camera. The former approach favors the slow build-up before the spectacle, choosing to savor the moment of impact, while the latter favors extravaganza for its own sake, trading slow and methodical for bombastic. These orientations towards terror set the stage for their respective films; Halloween is a tense, atmospheric, palpable nightmare waiting to imprint its horror onto its audiences’ mind, while Halloween Kills is a to-the-point gore-fest that seeks to assault its audience with a barrage of scenarios that fail to leave a lasting mark after their initial presentation.

While the story picks up right at the end of the previous film, it almost immediately undermines everything that happened before. As Laurie, Karen(Judy Greer), and Allyson(Andi Matichak) make it to the hospital, Michael is promptly freed from his burning prison and soon starts to slaughter everything in sight. His massacre calls the attention of the residents of Haddonfield, who, under the rallying cry of a much older and still very much traumatized Tommy Doyle(Anthony Michael Hall), the young boy Laurie babysat in Carpenter’s film, go to ensure “evil dies tonight.” Consequently, the narrative jumps between groups of civilians who try and hunt Michael through the city, unaware soon-to-be victims caught in the middle of his rampage, and Laurie along with her family recovering at the hospital.

Alas, none of these narrative threads is interesting or unique. Laurie’s story might as well have not been in the film given how little she ends up doing, and all the non-Laurie related plot-lines follow the same formula as one another: introduce character, introduce said character’s quirk in lieu of meaningful personality, kill character in brutal fashion. If the character is a mob character as opposed to just a victim caught unaware, they will mention, without fail, how dangerous Michael is to confront alone, let alone with group, before then confronting him alone. Forget predictable, try exhausting. Never at any point, does anything amount to more than casually interesting, and most of the film comes up much shorter than even that.

Rather than setting firm foundation and direction for the story and its ideas to traverse along, Green and his fellow screen-writers seem content with establishing threadbare connections to Carpenter’s ’78 film, as though mere association is enough to transfer heft from one story to another. Halloween Kills confuses reverence to the most minute details for enthralling cinematic texture, assuming that because the characters are related to the first film, that somehow the audience will care about them and invest into their respective stories. Every single character or detail, big or small, is highlighted by the film as if screaming, “See, it’s all connected!” But, by and large, the effort comes off as farce. No one outside of Laurie and her family, has any embellished reason for doing what they do, and the narrative never gives the audience a reason to root for the mob and their efforts.

Furthermore, even though the last film makes it clear that Michael’s murder spree in 1978 isn’t as serious a sequence of violence as status quo events (ex: modern shootings), Kills expects the audience to now believe that there are throngs of people around who are as upset and devastated about the spree as Laurie. This insinuation not only undermines the contextual work of the last film but also moots Laurie’s unique connection to the situation. If everyone is as obsessed about the event as her, then the last film would not have happened as it did, but Kills requires this to be true in order to ramp up to the ham-fisted themes and set-pieces that it so desperately wants to present as evidence of its artistic depth.

It’s evidence that the film wants to serve as a moral warning against succumbing to mob violence; don’t pursue uncontrolled violence lest you become a monster yourself. However, the story presents no alternative to the problems mob violence seeks to resolve, especially within its own context. When a police officer talks about how they didn’t want to shoot Michael once apprehended due to respect for shared human empathy and respect for the law, it seems obvious that, without context, the audience should be in favor of such a view. Officers killing unarmed and captured enemies should not be encouraged. But because we know Michael is a brutal murderer, a point the film gleefully reminds us of as he mutilates teenagers, couples, and the elderly galore, the message of restraint and respect for rule of law becomes much more confusing, especially when the narrative constantly demonstrates just how inept the law is at dealing with such events. If monsters are bad and the law is unable to stop them, chastising mob violence and condemning it in such a moralistic fashion muddies the discourse surrounding the issue.

The point also fails to make any resounding impact given that the film is a CELEBRATION of violence. It’s hard for the consequences of mob violence to linger in one’s mind in thought-provoking fashion when the camera treats this violence no differently than it does Michael’s carnage tour. If we’re supposed to marvel and cheer at the effective, technical execution of the latter, it becomes difficult to explain why the audience shouldn’t cheer for the former, especially when both are treated in the same manner: on-display gore for the audience to gawk at.

As a result, even though Halloween Kills share many of the same qualities as the early movies in the Friday the 13th franchise, namely disposable characters and focus on brutal set-pieces at the cost of narrative or thematic depth, it never reaches near the same levels of entertainment because it takes it forces its subject matter to be treated with a undeserved gravity that makes the overall experience uneven and tepid. Despite boasting Carpenter’s excellent score, slicker moment of gore, and a more robust production than many of the Friday films, Kills inhibits enjoyment by trying to tie the gratuitous and over-the-top violence to more severe and intricate themes.

With no one to cheer for and no hefty ideas to mull about on, it’s hard to recommend Halloween Kills to anyone but ardent fans of the franchise, good and bad, and gore hounds looking for mean-spirited slayings. The story is confused and doesn’t know if it wants to be a serious contemplation on evil or a carnage candy exhibition; consequently this identity-crisis permeates and undermines the film at critical junctures, leading little to offer. I can only hope that the follow-up, Halloween Ends, wraps things up nicely, but with how disappointing Kills ended up being, I’m not holding my breath.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Halloween Kills is a sorely lacking sequel that not only squanders all good will engendered by director David Gordon Green’s previous film Halloween but also fully drops the ball for the upcoming finale, Halloween Ends. The film wants to be both a blood-bath and a piece with heart, but it fails to do either effectively because it spends no time setting up its characters or its story beats for meaningful success. Only ardent franchise fans and lovers of gore should check this one out.
Rating	4.8/10
Grade	F

Go to Page 2 for the for the spoiler discussion and more in-depth analysis.
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2000s, 2008, Action, Adventure, F, Grade, Marvel, Past, Review, review-movie, Science Fiction, Superhero, Year

Film Review: The Incredible Hulk – 2008

September 9, 2021 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Louis Leterrier
Principal Cast	Edward Norton as Bruce Banner/The Hulk (Voice by Lou Ferrigno) Liv Tyler as Betty Ross William Hurt as General Ross Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky / Abomination
Release Date	2008
Language(s)	English
Running Time	112 minutes
Report Card	Click to go to Review TLDR/Summary

Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) tests his Gamma treatment on himself.

The movie starts with a montage set to Craig Armstrong’s epic and triumphant score which almost tricks the viewer into thinking that the title sequence is doing something special. In reality, the 3-minute introduction sequence is a formal nightmare and makes the themes and ideas of the story hard to decipher at first. Instead of setting the film’s pace and giving it a unique voice, the introduction feels like a cheap way of getting to the “real” story.

First, the initial images of the montage make it feel like this recollection of memories is from Bruce Banner’s (Edward Norton) fragmented point-of-view. As such, the repetition of certain key scenes – namely Bruce’s partner, Betty (Liv Tyler) being injured after he transformed into the Hulk – should suggest Bruce’s pre-occupation. The scenes are even tinted in green suggesting they might be an effect of the Hulk’s influence on Banner’s brain.

However, at the halfway point of the introduction, scenes that are clearly not from Bruce’s point-of-view enter. For example, General Ross is seen looking for Bruce at one point and maps along with relevant documentation prop up on the screen to reinforce that Bruce is being hunted. Given that he’s on the run, it seems impossible that he’d be privy to this information which begs the question: why are these moments in the montage?

One could chalk it up to just quick storytelling, but the sequence ends in such a way as if to suggest that it is in fact Banner recalling his past. The montage ends as the camera pushes in on Betty’s injury before suddenly cutting to a metronome, an item featured in the montage intermittently at random moments, which Banner grabs and stops. He sits center frame and then a counter appears next to him indicating it’s been 158 days since his last “incident.” Is this counter his mental barometer now perhaps because days to him only exist if he’s not the Hulk or is it a mechanism of the movie to inform the audience of the time between transformations? Because of the sloppy nature of the montage, this determination is impossible make.

The second issue with the introduction is also an issue I expect a few readers to run into: the characters and events depicted in the montage require prior context to have any chance of being relevant to the viewer. Given that Ang Lee’s Hulk came out in 2003, it’s reasonable that Marvel and screen-writer Zak Pen wanted to avoid re-hashing the origin story and chose to truncate it; the issue is the emotional core of the story being told in The Incredible Hulk is contingent on understanding the Hulk’s origin. This issue is even more pronounced because even though The Incredible Hulk could work as a spiritual sequel to Lee’s film, there are enough differences in how Bruce gets and relates to his “Hulk” power that would justify time spent explaining the nuance to the audience.

It’s especially confusing how this movie got approved given how clear Iron Man, the first installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) , ended up being for audiences unfamiliar with the character. Coming right off the heels of one of the best super-hero movies was always going to be rough, but The Incredible Hulk doesn’t make the situation any easier for itself. The issue with the film isn’t even just the botched origin story. Unlike Marvel’s reboot of Spiderman in the form of Homecoming, which truncated the origin story which had been told twice before in the 21st century, The Incredible Hulk doesn’t try and tell a story that can ride its own coattails and get the audience invested with or without previous interest.

Betty (Liv Tyler) and Bruce (Edward Norton) reunite in the rain.

For example, one of the primary driving forces behind Banner’s desire to control his Hulk state is his desire to eventually get back with Betty. This motivation is his primary purpose for any and all action within the story, outside of some vague ethical concerns about his research which are never explained. The movie tells us as much with the montage which features a moment where Banner flashbacks within the sequence qua memory recall to an even more intimate encounter with her.

Yet, when the couple finally get to talking and meeting with one another there’s absolutely no chemistry between them. Their conversations devolve to quips, useless chitter-chatter, and verbal reminders that they love each other. They’re seeing each for the first time in years and the director and screenwriter can’t think of any possible things they would want to mention to one another again? It feels more like they’re acquaintances running into one another than lovers who have been forcibly separated for years on end. The golden rule is to show and not tell, and The Incredible Hulk never shows; instead, it prefers to reiterate what was shown in the montage and use the shallow scaffolding created off those minute impressions to leverage interest in where the story goes. The couple loves each other because they love each other. The push just doesn’t work and the emotions are missing which makes caring during any of the tense sequences that much harder.

Just to give context, within 15 minutes Iron Man manages to explain its protagonist’s, Tony Stark’s motivations, relationships with key persons in the movie, primary character arc, and foreshadow the eventual final battle. In that same time frame, The Incredibly Hulk explains that Bruce has been trying to figure out to control his anger since his incident, that he thinks about Betty a lot, and then just gets to the first chase sequence in a series of many. Even by the end of the movie’s run-time, the amount of information learned doesn’t actually increase by a meaningful margin. The plot is nothing more than a vehicle to get Banner from point A to point B in the hopes for a Hulk transformation and fight.

The Hulk looks menacingly from the shadows.

Now, this approach would work if they either showcased the Hulk in such a way as to develop Bruce’s character and dynamic or, in a more visceral sense, just let their CGI monster go wild in dynamic action set pieces. Instead, Banner’s transformations are always marred by some other visual distraction and/or a color grading that makes it hard to distinguish his figure. He’s on the screen but doesn’t pop out and get to actually show off. Banner makes fun of the iconic purple pants his character normally wears in a meta-comedy moment, but the reason purple is a great color with the Hulk is because it lets his green shine.

This is made all the more frustrating because it’s clear that Leterrier wanted to go for a green aesthetic. Plenty of shots feature green in the set design; the issue is these greens make the contrast between Hulk and the environment even worse and end up crowding the hulking green mammoth out of the frames he should be a star in. There are a few moments where the camera lingers on a Hulk’s face in a close-up and we get to see beautiful contrasts in his face and a rich texture in the colors. Unfortunately, these moments are few and far in between; the movie usually showcases its showstopper poorly.

Thankfully, the movie spends a decent amount of time on developing Emil Blonsky(Tim Roth). We get to know him as a veteran player who takes the mission seriously and early conversations even set him as the soldier to Banner’s scientist. While the movie does very little with Banner’s scientist storyline, choosing both not to investigate why he would test the “Hulk experiment” on himself or what he wanted, it does go deeper into Blonsky’s motivations and ties his eventual transformations to his character’s’ motivations. It doesn’t matter that the character is shallow; Roth is so amped up about being cruel, militaristic, and bloodthirsty beyond reason that we can get behind his character. Woefully, the movie throws away this saving grace in the third act by replacing Roth with a CGI creature; one less performance capable of galvanizing interest in the fights to come.

Banner clicks on a simple Desktop application.

It’s not that the story doesn’t have interesting characters or that it can’t go towards more interesting storylines. It’s just that every story decision feels like the easiest path towards the next plot beat. Case in point, Banner communicates with a secret contact to find a cure to the “Hulk” problem. The way he gets to the contact platform is literally through clicking an application, getting to a chat screen with no place to put in long in information, and then “auto-encrypting” the chat. I don’t expect a complicated encryption process, but I expect the process to be at least be complicated enough for me to believe that the antagonists cannot easily access this information.

However, in this film, the government’s crack-job solution to the messaging platform that Banner has used for apparent YEARS is to put a simple parser out to search for the code names the two are using and then coming upon the duo almost instantly. If the introductory montage didn’t stress that Banner has been sleuthing around the government for years and that the government has been actively pursuing him as per Ross’s command, the laziness wouldn’t be so apparent. Unfortunately, this example of blatantly “rushing” towards the next plot point is one of many. A few can be handled. A litany makes for an unremarkable time. The end result is a skeleton of a espionage movie that never tries to surprise the audience.

Frustratingly, the movie has all the parts necessary to do something intriguing, but it constantly chooses to underutilize them in an attempt to deliver a product that’s “good enough.” It’s a shame because a few tweaks and the movie could have been a psychological navigation of the “Hulk” condition. The opening montage is an attempt at showing how the experiment has fractured Banner’s mind. Imagine if the movie then followed Banner as he tries to figure out a way to control it as opposed to trying to get some mumbo-jumbo cure that acts as nothing more than a MacGuffin. Additionally, the cutaways to distorted green visions, if handled with regards to Banner and the Hulk’s character arcs, could be moments of progression between them. Instead, they’re just quick visuals meant to demonstrate the presence of Banner’s condition – a fact we are well aware of.

Needless to say, the psychological angle was ready and available to dive into, even within the parameters of the script. Some of the movie’s best scenes involve the Hulk showcasing a darker, and more evil disposition. Close-ups of his face showcase an intensity that’s missing from Norton’s face. The movie could have very easily used this juxtaposition to explore even the simplest ideas of good and bad if not something more complex like the Hulk as representative of id and Banner as ego. Furthermore, the movie attempts to use fragmented green-tinted memory recollection sequences as a call-back to the opening montage and as an indication of Banner’s damaged mental state. However, just like the opening, these moments showcase images and details that tells the viewer absolutely nothing of relevance regarding Bruce’s connections or motivations. At the very least, if they presented a warped perspective of scenes, an altered perspective to Bruce’s, these moments could help develop Hulk as a character and juxtapose both sides of the green hero. Instead, the technique is used to just reinforce the same points we already know.

Sadly, there’s a severe lack of effort made at letting the characters and the actors shine through. It’s hard to blame Norton for not getting the audience invested in his character, when all he has to work with are jokes and long chase and walk sequences that are adorned with Armstrong’s rich and emotionally evocative score.

The film tries so hard to use the score to carry the weight of longer A-to-B sections, but Suspiria this movie is not; The Incredible Hulk lacks the grandiose compositions, cinematography, and editing needed to let Armstrong’s music be appreciated. The visuals are safe and milquetoast and drag down the rich and riveting score which is is never given any time to rest because any dead time has to be filled with it. Music is used used to propel all the emotional momentum in the film because the story proper doesn’t give the actors enough material to imbue their characters with passions that would get us to care about their tribulations. The score attempts to generate that momentum, but the lack of any help from any other cinematic element makes the mission impossible.

Alas, this is why The Incredible Hulk marks the low-point of the MCU. It’s a film that feels and actively shows its status as nothing more than a cog in the machine. There’s no flair in it’s presentation or composition which end up making the hollow and threadbare story look all the more lazy and shoddy when on display. The actors are given such little direction on what their characters motivations are or why those desires are they way the are and this lack of guidance carries over to the narrative which often feels like its being forcefully dragged from place to place. There are brief moments of joy, especially when the Hulk is allowed to be the star of the scene, but these moments are so brief that can’t be used to justify watching the entire movie. It’s a shame for fans of the green behemoth, but you’re better off watching later MCU installments ,Thor Ragnarok especially, or even Lee’s older Hulk for nuanced and/or visually interesting story beats.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	The Incredible Hulk is a movie that exists more to push the MCU along than anything else. Outside of Craig Armstrong’s score and a few neat shots, this chronicle of the green behemoth offers very little in terms of engaging content capable. The story is predictable, lazily told, and emotionally empty. Instead of focusing on the interesting psychological angles presented by the narrative, the movie is more than satisfied with giving just enough information to move to the next point until the whole journey is over. Only MCU completionists or super fans of the Hulk should give this a watch.
Rating	4.3
Grade	F

Go to Page 2 for the for the spoiler discussion and more in-depth analysis.
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2010s, 2016, F, Grade, Horror, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Year

Review: Sadako vs. Kayako

November 8, 2020 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Kōji Shiraishi
Principal Cast	Mizuki Yamamoto as Yūri Tina Tamashiro as Suzuka Aimi Satsukawa as Natsumi Masahiro Komoto as Professor Morishige Masanobu Andō as Keizō Mai Kikuchi as Tamao Runa Endo as Kayako Saeki Elly Nanami as Sadako Yamamura Rintaro Shibamoto as Toshio Saeki
Release Date	2016
Language(s)	Japanese
Running Time	98 minutes

Every horror fan has their gateway horror movie(s) that manages to capture their interests and serve as an introduction to the frightening, yet intoxicating allure the genre at large offers. For me, that movie is Gore Verbinski’s The Ring. I can still remember watching it for the first time so many years ago, swearing I’d never go near a television again. However, that fear turned into an obsession with the sense of vitality I felt while watching something so frightening. The adrenaline rush and sense of immersion I had felt ,while watching the movie with baited breath through the gaps between my fingers, led me down the J-Horror rabbit hole, as I quickly discovered my precious horror movie was actually a remake of a Japanese movie by the same name. After watching the original, I quickly got sucked into the world of Japanese horror. I quickly saw as much as I could – Pulse, One Missed Call, Audition, Ju-On, Cure, and so on- in a a frenzy. At some point my summer vacation was literally watching one of these movie, pacing in fear, sleeping with one eye open until said fear had gone away, and moving onto the next one on the list. Eventually, I became more acclimated to the horror genre in general, but J-Horror will always have a special place in my heart.

Given that, it should be no surprise that I absolutely freaked out when I saw the first trailer for this movie back in 2015. Like many other fans, I thought its release on April 1st meant it was an elaborate April Fool’s joke, but imagine my surprise when I heard the announcement early 2016 that the meme movie was in fact going to actually come out. My brain couldn’t process it. A Ring movie crossing over with Ju-On? Both movies (and their American remakes, especially in the case of the former) scared the piss out of me growing up, so I eagerly awaited this monster mashup- my Freddy vs. Jason if you will. When I saw it was being directed by Kōji Shiraishi, the man behind Noroi: The Curse (one of my favorite found footage movies ever), that excitement grew to unreasonable levels. What would he do to get Kayako and Sadako to fight one another? How would the fight even go? What kind of amazing battle sequences would us, the fans, get to witness in action?

As soon as I could find a way to watch the movie online I jumped at the chance. With baited breath, I hit play and waited for the supernatural battle of the century to commence. Unfortunately, what I got was more of a Ring reimaging sprinkled with a little bit of Ju-on every now and then to remind the audience that this was in fact a mashup movie. The final battle happens at almost the end of the movie, and barely lasts more than a few minutes. All in all, I was left disappointed. This wasn’t what even close to what I wanted. The excitement, the adrenaline, the anticipation – everything left me like air from a deflated balloon.

Close to a year later, I decided to watch the movie again on a random whim. I was looking for something to keep on in the background, while I focused on some menial task and figured since I knew what happened anyways I couldn’t be disappointed again. Much to my surprise, I found myself enjoying it a lot more. I chalked it up to a lack of expectations, but have since realized – no – I actually do enjoy portions of the movie. Is it still a disappointment? Yes, more so, because its in my subsequent rewatches that I’ve come to realize just how many neat elements the movie has that it does absolutely nothing with. It’s a disappointment, not because it’s bad, but because of how miserably it squanders the potential it had.

The movie opens up on a quick kill from Sadako before cutting to a University class being taught by Professor Morishige. His lecture topic is Japanese urban legends. As you would expect he brings up the cursed video tape along with the accompanying tale of Sadako and the concept of Onryō‘s (the vengeful spirit Kayako is) in quick succession with some other monsters like the Kuchisake-onna (split faced women). Interestingly enough, his story of the cursed tape involves being killed after 2 days as opposed to 7. He tells the students that such tales are just memes (you read that right) that have spread due to lack of information and makes the astute observation that if the cursed video tape was actually real it’d have shown up online by now. He ends his lesson and the movie pivots to two students in his classroom, Yūri and Natsumi.

These two best friends leave the room for lunch at which point the latter asks the former to convert her parents VCR tape to a more convenient format. Cue the girls buying an old video cassette player with a free cursed tape inside. The movie cuts at this point to a third schoolgirl, Suzuka, who’s moving right next to the Saeki household (you know, where Toshio and Kayako lives). She feels herself being watched (natural, given the ghosts at the residence) before the movie cuts back to Yūri and Natsumi watching the tape with the latter getting cursed as the former looks down to answer a text. The paranoia starts hitting and the girls decide to go to Professor Morishige for advice. After he confirms the girls have the actual videotape, by virtue of watching it himself, he dances with elation. Turns out Morishige is a huge Sadako super-fan and wants nothing more than to meet her. He eagerly awaits a phone call from the spirit and agrees to help the girls out by getting them an exorcism.

Professor Morishige (Masahiro Komoto) aka President of the Sadako fan club eagerly awaits the call of death informing him of his impending doom as long as he can hear the spectral spirit he’s obsessed with. A great character that gets almost no use.

Alas, the exorcism doesn’t go as planned so the girls hire two psychics, Keizō and Tamao, to help them survive Sadako’s wrath. If you’ve noticed I haven’t mentioned the Ju-On sub-plot that much that’s because the movie also doesn’t feel the need to develop it outside of sprinkling in some random scares with the Kaeki’s every now and then (praise fodder kills) to remind us this is a crossover movie. That aside, the psychics are the best part of the movie outside of Morishige. Tamao is sarcastic and brutal as all hell which is made all the better by the fact that she’s played by kid. Imagine a pre-teen casually brushing off your stupidity and nonchalantly mentioning how screwed you are. It’s genuinely funny. Likewise, Keizō is a snarky badass, who uses his psychic abilities to fight spirits. Watching him in action is like watching a mime tangentially affecting the world with their motions – it’s honestly kind of cool. Unfortunately, their arrival coincides with the disappearance of Morishige who’s written off in an absurd but incredibly comedic way. We have to lose an interesting character to get two interesting characters, which is a tragedy when everyone else in the movie is astoundingly boring. Needless to say, the psychics come up with the masterplan to have Kayako and Sadako fight each other, hoping that the two curses will be strong enough to obliterate one another and save any potential victims. At some point Suzuka gets involved, but like I said it’s not that important.

So you have a ton of interesting elements – Japanese style exorcism, badass psychics, a teacher obsessed with meeting a ghost that will kill him upon contact, the changing of the urban myth behind the cursed video tape, and two of the most iconic J-Horror characters of all time- that all get so bogged down in the minutia of boring, generic, and seemingly irrelevant story threads that overwhelm the run-time of the movie. On top of that, while I think the Ring storyline is at least given an okay run through in setting up the power level for the ultimate battle, the Ju-On storyline feels like an afterthought. Even in the moments dedicated to it, Toshio gets most of the screen-time while Kayako gets a few scraps of attention.

If the story was inverted – that is the interesting elements were the primary story and the girls were the background elements they should have been – this movie would have kicked serious ass. Just imagine how awesome a supernatural noir would be. Two psychic detectives-for-hire fighting off spirits with a variety of abilities who then get work from a client hell bent on meeting Sadako and living. Tie that in with the discussion about how urban legends morph and change (the curse going from 7 days to 2 days) to reference how beliefs and ideas can change the metaphysical makeup of spirits to keep them relevant in the status quo (close to something like Noragami ) and boom – both Kayako and Sadako can be different but related to their previous movie incarnations giving the director tons of leeway to explore them and morph them in a way that the audience hasn’t seen. That movie would be the bees knees.

From left to right: Keizō (Masanobu Andō), Tamao (Mai Kikuchi), and Yūri (Mizuki Yamamoto). The two psychics are informing Yūri of their plan, but this still could have come from an awesome psychic noir movie. Another misuse of a great pair of characters.

Instead, the story we do get feels like an uninspired mashup that’s 65% Ring , 20% interesting J-horror stuff like psychics, and 15% Ju-On. As a Ring/The Ring mega fan, I could have forgiven this if at least the storyline explained the 2 day versus 7 day update on the curse in an interesting way to give the story something distinct about it, but the change is literally glossed over like an afterthought. It actually feels like they changed the number of days before demise so that the movie would move faster. I also could have gotten into the movie if the final fight was a bigger portion of the run time and actively gave both Kayako and Sadako chances to beat the undead matter out of one another. The worst part about the fight is it actually starts off with gusto and gets you amped for what’s going to come next, before quickly culminating in a CGI fiesta that’s wrapped up in a few minutes. Either go the route of Freddy vs. Jason and embrace a schlock of a story to give us amazing fights or try and give us a good story that does justice to the narrative strengths of both franchises. This movie does neither. It just teases us with what could’ve been.

It sounds like I’ve really ragged on the movie a lot, which I have. However I want to stress that the movie is decent at a technical level. It’s not like the movie is shot poorly (outside of a few moments of awful CGI) or has any bad performances (which are decent by and large). It’s just that it doesn’t make use of any of these elements effectively. In general, Shiraishi knows how to build up tension in a scene and doesn’t rely on jump scares. He’s good at edging the audience out, priming them for something genuinely scary. The issue is none of these build-ups are met with anything that does justice to what came before. For example, the movie constantly teases the nature of Sadako’s new cursed tape. The first two times it’s watched by characters, all the audience can see is reactions as opposed to the tape itself. When we finally get to see it on it’s third viewing, we’re fully ready and amped for the reveal. What could be on it that’s so terrifying? Unfortunately, like most of the reveals in the movie, the revelation of the footage on the tape is uninspired and ultimately disappointing. It genuinely feels like a case of a movie fighting itself, with small sections of it desperate to come to the forefront to elevate the material being beaten back by the slogging and more derivative sections. That being said, the actual ending of the movie is actually kind of great from a fanservice point of view – I mean the literal last moments of the movie when nothing more of substance can happen, which is why it’s not a huge factor in my review. I can’t say it made up for the disappointments that came before, but it gives me hope that a good crossover might be possible.

That brings me to the most important question. Would I recommend the movie? Maybe. It depends on the person. General horror fan? No. Fan of Ju-On? No. Fan of Ring? Maybe. J-Horror Fanatic? Yes, with the caveat to go in with absolutely no expectations. I think if you’re into the ambiance of J-Horror movies and go in knowing there’s not going to be a huge fight, you’ll find the experience acceptable. My only hope is one day, someone can genuinely go and revitalize these titans of the genre. If this movie is proof of anything, it’s that there are still more than enough interesting ideas to play around with to give Sadako and Kayako a new life. We can only hope that it happens.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Sadako vs Kayako should’ve been the J-Horror equivalent of Freddy vs. Jason but manages to fall short in almost every way possible. The story is contrived and feels more like a Ring remake than a combination of the Ring and Ju-On. The interesting bits the story does introduce are never developed into something more substantive. The climactic battle is only a few minutes long and barely manages to let the titular spirits shine through while fighting. Would I recommend this movie to most people? No. However, I do think J-Horror super fans can enjoy the movie if they temper their expectations.
Rating	4.8/10
Grade	F

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2010s, 2018, F, found footage, Grade, Horror, mystery, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Year

Review: Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel

June 7, 2020 The Critic 2 Comments

Director(s)	Stephen Cognetti
Principal Cast	Vasile Flutur as Mitchell Jillian Geurts as Jessica Joy Shatz as Molly Dustin Austen as David Kyle Ingleman as Brock Brian David Tracy as Arnold
Release Date	2018
Language(s)	English
Running Time	89 minutes

As someone who genuinely enjoyed the first Hell House I was surprised when a sequel was coming out by the same director. I was curious at how Cognetti would manage to expand on his found footage universe. Would the series take a dive and become a repetitive snore fest like the Paranormal Activity franchise or would it try and innovate and be something new? Unfortunately, by the halfway mark I knew I was in store for the former. Hell House II feels like an attempt to capture the same lightning in a bottle that it’s predecessor managed to but doesn’t have nearly the same polish or sense of intrigue. There are a few nice moments scattered throughout but by and large the movie feels uninspired and pales in comparison to what came before.

The movie picks up 8 years after the tragedy of Hell House and follows investigative journalist, Jessica, and a ragtag team of assistants as they try and discover the secrets of the Abaddon Hotel and the tragedies associated with it. Just as you’d assume creepy stuff happens, random specters are sighted, and things get eerie quick. Unfortunately, most of the scares don’t land because there’s no reason to care for any of the characters.

The first movie works because it gives the audience time to know and understand the characters and their relationships with/among each other. I got their personalities and formed a bond with them, so watching the horrifying events happen to them evoked a level of sympathy. This is mainly due to how authentic and natural the cast comes off. I genuinely felt like I was watching a group of friends get entangled with something beyond them and not some actors trying to emulate that.

The main cast in this movie doesn’t manage to evoke those or similar feelings. The story splits Jessica’s group into two near the very beginning and never brings them back together so a large swath of potentials interactions are forgone. The people we do follow barely get anytime to to mingle before things start going bump in the night so they immediately rush into survival mode. As a result, they all just come off feeling like tropes as opposed to fleshed out characters worth caring for. Interactions between them come off like throwaway moments meant to pad the run-time and/or exposition dumps that are supposed to serve a stand-in for real characterization and storytelling. Everyone’s motivations feel forced and/or undeveloped and it makes sympathizing for their circumstances that much harder. For example, the movie needs Jessica to come off as feverish in her aspirations and willing to do whatever it takes to get the information she needs. This would help make sense of her refusals to back down in spite of the circumstances understandable as opposed to inconceivable. The story never gives Geurt the chance to convey this trait. Instead of feeling realized with intention and drive, she comes off like an NPC in a detective game who’s pre-programmed to make awful decisions because that’s what “real” journalism ,aka the story, requires. This displacement between what the character needs to emote to feel real versus their apparent motivation is present in most of the main cast outside of Ingleman. No one feels grounded or relatable.

I think the movie would have benefited immensely from more time to breathe with all the characters. Getting to know them more intimately would have helped understand their driving factors and would’ve helped me get over their incredibly, inconceivable, stupid decisions. Context changes the way decisions are perceived and this movie lacks that for its characters. It’s a shame because I think the few good scares in the movie suffer a lot as a result. In theory and partly in practice they work. It’s just their execution in relation to the characters feels detached and doesn’t stick in the mind after initial watch. That’s arguably the most important part of a scare. It’s ability to haunt you after having seen it.

Furthermore, while the purpose of the first movie is clear – a “real” documentary of a tragedy – this movie never makes it clear who is presenting the story of the Abaddon Hotel and why the audience should care. Video clips from the beginning of the movie recount the stories of individuals who entered the hotel and disappeared, but they just feel like disconnected scares that tell the audience very little new information. By the end of the movie the purpose of the documentary is no less clear. The story makes sense in a narrative context, but it doesn’t fit the style by which it’s told. I feel like the movie would’ve been more interesting as a straight up supernatural horror film as opposed to a found-footage style film. Granted, that would mess up the whole found-footage trilogy Cognetti was going for , but I think the franchise would’ve been better off as a result. It certainly wouldn’t feel as jarring. I just couldn’t stop thinking about why someone would cut and edit a piece like this and who they would show it to , so I could never get into the movie’s “purpose” as a documentary.

All this being said, I do enjoy the way the movie ends. Key revelations are made that connect the mythos of the first and second movie in a way that excuses some of story issues I’ve outlined. There’s a connective tissue that’s given life which fully gets to breathe in the final part of the trilogy. Without the foundation of the ending here, the third part of the franchise wouldn’t work as well , and that’s a movie I really enjoy. Does that mean I give Hell House LLC II a pass? No. Not even close. Just because it works in the context of a trilogy doesn’t give it an excuse for being boring and mostly uneventful in end of itself. It’s not a movie I would watch as a solo billing and even when I find myself in the mood for a franchise re-watch, I usually skip all the way to the end for this one.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel leaves a lot to be desired and oftentimes comes off like a sad attempt at recreating the much better Hell House. The scares don’t hit, the characters are unrelatable, and the plot feels underdeveloped. I’d only recommend to this to fans of the first because the ending does add to the mythos of the latter and set up for a much better sequel .
Rating	4.2/10
Grade	F

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2010s, 2014, F, Grade, Horror, mystery, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Thriller, Year

Review: Ouija

March 11, 2020 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Stiles White
Principal Cast	Olivia Cooke as Laine Afra Sophia Tully as young Laine Shelley Hennig as Debbie Claire Beale as young Debbie Ana Coto as Sarah Izzie Galanti as young Sarah
Release Date	2014
Language(s)	English
Running Time	89 minutes

Unlike most people who had to suffer through Ouija’s theatrical run, I came into the movie after having seen the MUCH better sequel-prequel Oujia: Origin of Evil. I loved that movie up till the last 20ish minutes and couldn’t fathom how strange this section felt in comparison to the rest of the movie. I thought if I watched the original movie, it’d help make sense of where Flanagan’s sequel-prequel needed to go, given that his conclusion had to be able to lead into the beginning of this. After watching Oujia, all I can say is Mike Flanagan deserves serious recognition for even attempting at fleshing out a backstory for this horror aberration. Oujia is painfully slow, packed to the brim with cliches and cheap scares, and constantly undermines its own rules and setup culminating in one of the least satisfying horror blockbusters in recent years.

If you’ve read my reviews before, you know I love slow burn horror movies. However, that’s only if they’re done well. If a director is going to make me wait, there needs to be a huge spectacular visceral payoff or a poignant thematic resolution. Unfortunately, Ouija has neither and only ever manages to do the bare minimum to elicit scares. From the moment the movie started, I knew something was off. There’s a prologue/flashback of two young girls, Laine and Debbie, playing with a spirit board. After this the story goes to “present” day and the way the transition happens makes it obvious that Debbie is one of the girls from the flashback. There’s no tension or mystery about what the flashback meant which makes its presence just feel unnecessary. After meeting with Laine in, Debbie “kills” herself after being possessed. Laine, in her desperation to figure out what happened, tries to use a ouija board with a group of mutual friends to contact the deceased Debbie. Unfortunately, just like the first two scenes, what follows is a movie that feels empty and unexplained.

It always feels like there are weird exposition dumps instead of attempts at naturally developing the story. Information is always revealed at the most convenient times by characters the movie never wants to flesh out. For example, Laine’s grandmother appears early on to help Laine deal with her grief over Debbie’s death but randomly exhibits a profound knowledge of the occult in later scenes exactly when her granddaughter needs advice. I feel like these character traits could have been hinted at earlier and better integrated with the story, but instead of that, they’re haphazardly shoved in to keep the story going to the next telegraphed scare. At some point I felt like I was just watching generic scares from a grab-bag of supernatural horror scenes, tacked together with a contrived and emotionally vacuous plot. There’s never a reason to care about any of the characters. The inciting incident for the movie is never explained in a way that makes you care. Scares have no overarching purpose tying them together and don’t accomplish anything thematically. The worst part is they rarely made me feel anything, let alone fearful of some supernatural entity. The movie sets up that the spirit can only act in certain ways to create a sense of tension, but actively breaks those rules at every moment so there’s never a reason to think the supernatural presence is threatening.

The only redeeming part of this movie is Lin Shaye’s performance. I won’t spoil what her role is because it’s relevant to latter portions of the story, but the moment I saw her, both in my initial watch and re-watch, I felt like I cared about what was happening. She doesn’t get a lot of on-screen time, but she absolutely gives the movie a much needed pulse when she does show up. With her performance in this and The Grudge, I’m convinced you can chuck her in any horror movie and have at least some good moments. Unfortunately, everyone else in the movie came off anywhere from outright unbelievable to kind-of passable. There are definitely some “emotional” moments that feel like first takes that were just given the thumbs up with no attempts at revision.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Ouija is as boring as it is contrived. The story is slow,boring, and never manages to deliver effective surprises because it undermines it supernatural set-up at every point. Outside of a great performance from Lin Shaye, there’s nothing here, even for ardent lovers of the supernatural genre.
Rating	3.2/10
Grade	F

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2020, 2020s, Drama, F, Grade, Horror, mystery, psychological, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Year

Review: The Turning

January 25, 2020 The Critic 1 Comment

Director(s)	Floria Sigismondi
Principal Cast	Mackenzie Davis as Kate Finn Wolfhard as Miles Brookylnn Prince as Flora Barbara Marten as Mrs.Grose
Release Date	2020
Language(s)	English
Running Time	94 minutes

January horror is something special. The Grudge disappointed me. Underwater surprised me by managing to deliver a surprisingly effective thrill ride. As a result, I went into The Turning not knowing what to expect. I left the theater confused and shocked. I personally enjoyed the movie, but think the litany of flaws and issues makes it impossible to recommend outside of a few niche people that can find enjoyment in less than ideal movies.

The story follows Kate, a teacher who takes on a new position as a live-in tutor for a young girl, Flora. As she begins her position and becomes acquainted with her new student, thing start going bump in the night. Soon after, Flora’s brother, Miles drops on in and the absurdity ramps up even harder. In fact, the movie constantly builds up to its climactic reveal. There were multiple times where I thought I had a theory of what happened, but then something else would happen that would contradict what I thought. Then within the last TEN minutes of the movie, the rug is pulled out from the audience’s feet and after a few WTF scenes, the movie ends. The audience at my theater burst out into a sea of “Huhs”, “What just happened?”, and “Are you f*$king kidding me?”. I may not remember the movie, but the ending is something that will stay with me. It’s hard to even categorize as good or bad because it just is.

A lot of the issues in the movie stem from a huge identity crisis. The movie want to teeter on the edge of psychological and supernatural. It wants the audience to not be sure. The issue is that instead of ambiguous directing that hints that there might be more at hand, every hint towards one genre or the other is heavy handed. They explicitly make the genre present as opposed to debatable which takes away a ton of the nuance. This problem becomes even more egregious in the third act, where certain characters start bringing up plot points that were barely touched on before. It feels like the movie didn’t want to commit to any path so it tried to be everything. The result is a mess that’s incomprehensible. It’s disappointing because the movie does a lot well.

For example, I think all the performances are on point. Mandell starts off bubbly and enthusiastic at the opportunity to teach and it comes off genuine (if a little too excited). She slowly becomes a wreck during the movie and feels just as confused as the audience (which definitely helps you relate to her frustrations). Both Wolfhard and Prince are great as the kids. They bounce off each other well and I can totally believe their sibling relationship. I loved Wolfhard in this movie. He’s usually the nice/funny kid but here he’s a total creeper. Weird lines, ominous edge, aggressive tendencies – he displays it all with gusto. That being said, the star of the show is Marten as the housekeeper, Mrs. Grose. She rides the line between creepy and doting well enough to maintain a sense of mystery about the true extent of her involvement in the unraveling horrors.

The movie is also shot and scored well. The camera is steady and there are a lot of picturesque scenes. I expected more shaky cam and jump scares, but the movie is fairly good at scares. There are jump scares, but none of them are patently false. Scares also linger in the background with noise, so you’re always asking yourself if you saw something move. Nathan Barr’s score is also great.

If the elements were just put together in a more coherent plot, I think the movie could’ve been something special. I personally love weird, ambiguous movies that are open to interpretation. The movie either needed to commit to the heart of the mystery it wanted to tell and then make the hints related to the same OR it needed to be consistent in direction at showing certain phenomena (this makes more sense in the spoiler section).

REPORT CARD

TLDR	The Turning is a movie that tries to be too many things and fails to be anything. It’s a suspenseful, harrowing journey that unfortunately doesn’t go anywhere. If you’re okay with awful/incoherent endings or like weird ambiguous movies there might be something here for you. I liked it and still think the movie leaves a lot to be desired. I do think waiting for a rental might be the move though.
Rating	5.5/10
Grade	F

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2010s, 2019, F, Grade, Horror, mystery, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Thriller, Year

Review: Annabelle Comes Home

January 18, 2020 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Gary Dauberman
Principal Cast	Mckenna Grace as Judy Warren Patrick Wilson as Ed Warren Vera Farmiga as Lorraine Warren Madison Iseman as Mary Ellen Katie Sarife as Daniela Rios
Release Date	2019
Language(s)	English
Running Time	106 minutes

I didn’t like Annabelle. I did like Annabelle: Creation. Both Wilson and Farmiga have been great in the other Conjuring movies they’ve been in, so when I saw the trailer for this movie I had real hope. The Warrens and Annabelle – maybe it could be as good as the movies in the main franchise. The movie even starts off with a bait, introducing Ed and Lorraine as they’re on their way back home with the Annabelle doll ready to be stored away. They get it in it’s iconic case and emphasize its power. Then they disappear from the movie and we get to the absurd mess that is the main story line.

The movie follows Judy, the Warrens daughter, and the mishaps that occur when her parents go off…to do something? Anyways, she’s left with her babysitter Mary for the day. Mary’s friend Daniela then comes over and opens and touches everything in the Warren’s demonic possession room. Then Annabelle gets loose and releases OTHER DEMONS to be menacing to the girls and the movie chronicles their miserably boring endeavors to fight them off. Another Annabelle movie where Annabelle doesn’t do anything of her own account. It’s like what’s the point of making these spin-off movies if you’re not going to actually expand on the character or make them more menacing in their own right.

Speaking of menacing- nothing in this movie is. All the “monster of the weeks” are poorly set up through lazy exposition and have no meaningful significance to any of the characters. They’re all just cheap attempts at recapturing the magic of creatures like the Nun or the Crooked Man but they don’t work. It’s sad because the movie is actually shot pretty well. There are some nice tracking shots that amplify the tension. If the scares took advantage of those the movie could have been so much more effective. There are plenty of great scenes early on where there are just scary apparitions in the background waiting- but the movie doesn’t know how to deal with them outside of fake-out jump scare. It gets repetitive which makes the 3rd act of the movie feel like the same scene happening in succession.

The whole movie just feels like a missed opportunity. So many cool ideas don’t get teased out properly.Exploring the life of a child ostracized because of her parents demonology background is interesting and I thought the movie would be a family drama centering around that issue. Instead, it’s ignored and never develops into anything meaningful. Exploring the Annabelle doll’s actual power? Nah, let’s let her summon other spirits instead. Have a good reason for someone to enter the room and do anything? Nah, we can just skirt around the issue and give her some vague sad backstory. It’s all just unsatisfying, especially when all the pieces to resolve these questions are present in the story. Heck you could even have the babysitter and her friend- just introduce them naturally and have the inciting incident be more believable. I don’t know – it just feels sloppy.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	Annabelle Comes Home feels like a series of missed opportunities wrapped up into a generic feeling horror movie. The Warrens are barely in the movie , so don’t hold your breath if your expecting this to feel like The Conjuring. It’s just a sad imitation.
Rating	4.8/10
Grade	F

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2020, 2020s, F, Grade, Horror, mystery, Review, review-movie, supernatural, Year

Review: The Grudge (2020)

January 3, 2020 The Critic 1 Comment

Director(s)	Nicolas Pesce
Principal Cast	Andrea Riseborough as Detective Muldoon John Cho as Peter Spencer Betty Gilpin as Nina Spencer Lin Shaye as Faith Mateson Frankie Faison as William Matheson
Release Date	2020
Language(s)	English
Running Time	100 minutes

I’m a huge fan of Ju-On and it’s first English remake The Grudge (2004). Both movies were formative in fostering my love for horror and scaring me senseless. So when I saw the remake trailer, I felt a sense of nostalgia on top of the impending sense of doom. Remakes usually aren’t the greatest and the January release date only made that sense of dread more palpable. On top of that, the first remake was good enough , so it felt weird to want to try and add something new again. However, that sense of trepidation gave way to slight optimism when I realized that Nicolas Pesce was directing the movie. I loved The Eyes of My Mother and felt that maybe he could deliver a moving remake of a beloved movie. After having just seen the remake, I can confirm that it’s indeed a mixed bag of emotions. The plot feels messy and stretched too thin and the scares feel repetitive and predictable. In spite of this, I found myself thoroughly enjoying some moments. The film has it’s flaws – but it also has cool ideas that I wish it had run with more.

The movie has a main plot and then 3 additional subplots all taking place at different times between 2004-2006. The primary plot follows Detective Muldoon as she finds herself entangled in the “grudge”- a curse that kills anyone that comes into its proximity. The main issue with the movie is that the main plot is pretty boring by itself until the final few moments and a few macabre scenes in the second act. Riseborough is relegated to being an exposition scene and literally just helps Pesce cut to the other more interesting subplots. Each of the subplots deals with a separate family and their own experiences interacting with the “grudge”/each other It’s funny because seemingly the most important subplot is only touched near the end of the film. The subplot featuring the Spencer family is heartfelt and had me feeling something in spite of the messy plot. The Matheson subplot introduces some of most horrifying thinking and I genuinely wish the film had spent most of the time here. There are some creepy ideas that are kind of toyed around with but never expanded on. Honestly, I wish the movie was just more focused. Cut out the incessant exposition and over explaining and just let the character interactions and ideas out. The movie is at its best in precisely these moments.

Acting in the movie is fine- for the most part. It honestly feels like the actors did the best with the way the plot went about so I can’t fault any of them. In spite of sparse characterization, Lin Shaye stole the scenes she was in. I loved her in all the Insiduous movies and watching her play a different role highlights just how much of a range she has. She gives a lot in this performance and made everything involving her really fun. Cho and Gilpin add the only real emotional weight to the convoluted plot. They do a great job in making the unfolding horrors more tragic and less undeserved.

There’s nothing special in terms of camera vision, but that’s mainly because most scenes are just set-ups for obvious jump scares. It’s always characters walking, then finding something, then looking away ,cue realization of impending scare, look back, then scare . It’s okay the first time but it’s lackluster with how well the scares are executed in the other Grudge movies. The lack of creativity in set-ups wasn’t something I was expecting. Thankfully, the score is engaging. It kept me at least partially invested when it came on. Especially during the last two scenes- it makes them memorable.

REPORT CARD

TLDR	All in all – The Grudge (2020) isn’t awful – but it’s definitely a bag of missed opportunities. I appreciate the way it tried to add some new twists to the original Grudge but those attempts fall flat or aren’t pushed far enough – which is a shame because I really enjoyed some of them.If you liked Ju-On or The Grudge I think there’s something in here for you. Yes – it’s not amazing or groundbreaking, but it’s certainly not the worst horror movie I’ve seen. The theater I went to was mostly packed and was quite engaged for a lot of the moments I responded to, so I really think some of ya’ll might enjoy portions of this.
Rating	5.8/10
Grade	F

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2010s, 2019, Comedy, Drama, F, Family, Fantasy, Grade, Musical, Review, review-movie, Year

Review: Cats (2019)

December 27, 2019 The Critic Leave a comment

Director(s)	Tom Hooper
Principal Cast	Francesca Hayward as Victoria Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella Jason Derulo asa Rum Tum Tugger Juddi Dench as Old Deuteronomy Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots James Corden as Bustopher Jones Idris Elba as Macavity Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy Ian McKellen as Gus
Release Date	2019
Language(s)	English
Running Time	110 minutes

I’m someone who normally gives pieces a more positive and optimistic shot than most. My higher than normal review scores are indicative of that. I always try and find something good to latch on in a movie and have fun with it. I saw the reviews for this movie on opening day and realized the potential horror of what I was walking into. I held onto some hope, because I loved Les Miserables, and thought that even a bad Tom Hooper musical would be okay. I was wrong. Not just wrong – horribly mistaken. By the time the first hour had passed I was literally just praying for the movie to end. This isn’t just the worst movie I’ve seen this year – it’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen.

The movie follows a series of horrific anthropomorphized cats as they talk about this vague competition that leads to an eventual rebirth. I’ll be the first to say I never saw or read about the Broadway show, and the plot was near incomprehensible to me. I’m someone who likes subtitles, so the fact that most of the exposition in the movie was sung hurt my ability to comprehend the movie. That normally wouldn’t be an issue but the film never takes a break to develop any themes or ideas. It literally follows the same structure the whole time- introduce cat – have song – maybe Macavity makes a slight cameo- then repeat. The lack of change in editing makes the whole movie drag on and I felt like I was being forced to endure the length of the film. The whole thing would have felt better 30-40 minutes shorter because at least then the absurdity of the film would stop while it was fresh.

Unlike most typical good bad movies like Troll 2, this film takes its sweet time being subpar so you can’t even laugh at the monstrosity at hand because it never stops or changes. There are few movies that have ever made me want to walk out in frustration – this film has joined the not so prestigious list. It’s not just that its bad- it’s that it won’t stop being bad so you can never laugh at how bad it is because you’re constantly being bombarded by worse elements.

The film goes at a breakneck pace but also feels incredibly slow because nothing meaningful ever happens. The movie could best be described as almost non stop exposition followed by an ending that tries to be emotionally resonant but fails on every note. This is because literally no character arcs or emotional bonds are ever set up in a way that could be conducive to any meaningful development. It’s a shame that the “antagonist” feels like a plot device instead of a meaningful character. I love Idris Elba and seeing him being used in such a poor fashion is upsetting. At least let him give the character some personality as opposed to be being a random bad guy. The only characters that give the movie any personality are Old Deuteronomy and Gus . The former takes command of the scene whenever she appears and makes the events feel more justified even though they’re just as haphazard as we think. The latter adds some emotional panache that gives the film much needed personality and actually helped jolt me awake near the end of the second act (or third act it’s confusing). The lack of real character motivation or explanation makes the whole movie feel like it’s a series of meaningful unrelated events. It literally feels unfinished.

Tonal whiplash is the name of the game and experiencing the shift from puns/comedic moments to the more serious nature of the competition the movie sets up(?) feels out of place. James Corden and Rebel Wilson are usually at least kind of funny, but their style of humor and incorporation into this film feels forced and out of place. I can’t take the movie seriously if the characters in it make jokes about it and poke fun at the holes. Normally this tactic would be fine if the movie didn’t take itself seriously – but it does- and worse than that – it tries to be emotionally resonant. That’s a no-no and absolutely took me out of any immersion I had tried to feel.

Honestly, the biggest issue with the movie is how unappealing the film is. Forget a boring plot. Forget the uninspired songs. Forget the fact that most of the movie feels like an exposition reel through song. Hell, you could forget about all of that if the movie was at least fun. But it isn’t fun. It’s hollow and feels like a quick cash grab. The characters are one dimensional and just repeat lines with no personality. No one’s motivation is explored. The CGI looks unfinished and terrifying at the same time. Some of the characters literally look like humans with “cat” like additions which feels at odd with other characters and makes the shoddy CGI more apparent. The characters are also all strangely sexual. Parents please don’t take your kids. The way the cats licked the milk, flicked their tails, and stretched themselves had me cringing not only in embarrassment but also sheer dread at how horny the whole thing felt like. I guess maybe if you’re a furry you could get something from these moments- but that’s a pretty niche market group.

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TLDR	Cats broke me. I used to say “no movie is that bad.” But no – some are. You can’t find something great in every piece of media.If you’re a furry maybe you might like it if you can ignore all the awful portions. If you take a shot every time there’s an awful cat pun or a strange sexual moment you might find something fun – but I can’t guarantee anything. Honestly – there’s not a lot here and I’d recommend staying away unless you really like bad movies. At the very least the movie might make influence the zeitgeist so that a future Cats like movie is never created again.
Rating	1.8/10
Grade	F

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