Raven-Symoné as Galleria Adrienne Bailon as Chanel Kiely Williams as Aqua Sabrina Bryan as Do Belinda as Marisol
Release Date
2006
Language
English
Running Time
97 minutes
When you watch one you gotta watch em all- once my sister and I had watched the original movie, I knew we had opened Pandora’s Box. Within a few days we were back at again with the sequel. Thankfully, Kenny Ortega takes all the elements that were enjoyable from the first movie and amps them up to the next level. The musical moments are shot better, each of the “Cheetahs” is given more to do, and there’s a more coherent plot which gives the movie more of a punch.
The plot follows the Cheetah Girls 3 years after the events of the first movie. The girls crash Chanel mothers romantic getaway to Barcelona in an attempt to win a music festival competition. After promising to do their best, the girls embark on their new journey. Each of the characters feels more defined- everyone from Galleria to Aqua gets their own storyline – no matter how on the wayside it feels. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the overall character arc the group goes through. The “Cheetahs” feel fairly similar to their previous incarnation in the last movie except Galleria is less bossy. I wish I saw some growth between the girls proper but everything related to the same feels tacked on or hammy.
Like the last movie- the songs are the best part. Thankfully, they’re shot well and aren’t jumbled and messy like the last movie. I could feel myself actually singing along (as corny as the lyrics were), but this time I could actually look at the screen without being forced to dart my eyes around needlessly.
While the plot makes far more sense than the last movie – it’s still Disney TV movie which means there’s more than one moment that will make you scratch your head. This problem becomes even more prevalent in the 3rd act when everyone acts a lot less intelligent than they really are. There are also some rushed moments and I feel like a more developed 3rd act could’ve given the last musical number more depth.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
The Cheetah Girls 2 is fun and filled with bops to nod your head along to. The plot and characterization leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s a jam packed adventure the whole way through. It brings in all the stuff you loved from the last movie with a more cohesive story and better shot musical moments. If you didn’t like the first one, chances are good you won’t find anything here either.
Rating
6.0/10
Grade
D
Go to Page 2 to view this review’s progress report .
Adam Sandler as Howard Ratner Lakeith Stanfield as Demany Julia Fox as Julia Kevin Garnett as Kevin Garnett Idina Menzel as Dinah Eric Bogosian as Arno Keith Williams Richards as Phil
Release Date
2019
Language(s)
English
Running Time
135 minutes
Well the hype is real. I feel like my life has changed. Adam Sandler is actually a phenomenal actor. I feel like everything I’ve seen from him up till now has been a prank . Still in awe. Also the Safdie brothers are geniuses and I need to watch everything they’ve done. If you can’t guess by now, Uncut Gems, is one of the best movies of 2019 and this past decade and had me completely floored by the end of the 135 minute run-time.
This movie is an assault on the senses and I mean that in the most literal way. The way it’s directed from the camera movement to sound design is meant to induce a state of panic and anxiety. If you suffer from those issues already, the film may be too much and I genuinely think you should go see it with someone even if you don’t suffer from them. Now that the warning is out of the way- holy wow. I thought I was losing it during the film because of the way sound would keep cutting in. There is auditory clutter that makes it feel like you can’t hear yourself think. It keeps you on edge and tense – you have to focus to get at bits and I felt like the movie was sweeping me along. There’s always something going happening on the screen so it feels like your senses are constantly befuddled. I thought it was perfect – I haven’t been this purely immersed in a film in a genuinely long time. I could feel my heart pumping out of my chest by the time I started getting out of my seat.
All of this synergizes perfectly with the plot which follows Howard , a jeweler who has a “bit” of a debt issue and a huge gambling problem. There’s a constant sense of tension as Howard traverses from one deal to another, desperate to keep the antagonistic forces coming for him at bay. There’s also a lot of comedy – from the dysfunction of different schemes playing out differently than imagined or just Sandler exuding persona. It’s a perfect complement to the tension at play. Speaking of tension – a lot of it revolves around the NBA. If you like basketball (or are just a huge Kevin Garnett fan) this movie has a lot of fun moments for you. I remember feeling excitement about games that happened years ago but almost like I was reliving them viscerally because of how the sport is talked about and utilized. On top of all of this, there’s ripe family drama and watching the dysfunction play out is more than entertaining. Watching all these intersecting threads come together is a delight and makes the story feel like a train-wreck waiting to happen.
A story is only as good as its characters and this film has them in spades. Sandler’s performance as Howard is mesmerizing. I was rooting for him the whole film, but the character is scum-bag with a heart of gold(?). However, Sandler adds a depth of nuance to that that makes him far more complex and grounded. He goes from caring father, to inconsiderate lover, to gambling addict. Each transformation feels in place and all of them come together to make one of the most interesting protagonists of 2019. This movie would not work without Sandler – if Howard was unlikable or unbelievable the tension wouldn’t be as profound because there wouldn’t be real stakes.
Thankfully, Sandler is accompanied by a slew of actors (some of whom are acting for the first time) who let him really shine and show off the range of his emotions. If someone told me that Kevin Garnett could act as well as he could play basketball before now I wouldn’t believe it. Now all I want is more movies with him. He’s cool and aloof at one point and fanatical the next – watching him tango with Sandler is immensely satisfying. Julia Fox’s performance injects some much needed levity to the movie – she never takes away from the tension – she just helps accentuate it with proper changes in demeanor. Finally, Keith Williams Richards is absolutely terrifying as Phil. The fact that this is his first movie ever is shocking – he absolutely sold the underlying crime portion of the story and amplified the tension every time he was on the screen. I want to mention everyone but that would be way too many people – literally even minor characters get more characterization in this movie than some primary characters in other movies.
This film is one of the best depictions I’ve ever seen of gambling and addiction. When the thrill is high and the game is at play, we feel like Howard- ecstatic. When he wins, I win – or that’s how I felt as I saw his schemes playing out. However, it works the same way with losses. Whenever something went wrong or could go wrong, I felt tense. Twitchy. Anxious. Since the movie aims to put the audience into the same mood as Howard, every twist or reveal feels that much more serious. It also becomes comprehend how someone could become completely lost in game. This is why the movie worked for me – I feel like I got Howard and wanted him to succeed in spite of himself and the situation he was in and I absolutely should not have felt that way- which is kind of great in a perverse kind of way.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
An absolute attack on all fronts – this character study of a gambler addicted to big gains is a roller coaster that never stops to let you catch your breath. Sandler is a tour de force and the Safdie brothers know how to keep the audience engaged from start to finish. Don’t watch if you’re looking to calm down.
Rating
10/10
Grade
A+
Go to Page 2 for the spoiler discussion. Go to Page 3 to view this review’s progress report .
Andrea Riseborough as Detective Muldoon John Cho as Peter Spencer Betty Gilpin as Nina Spencer Lin Shaye as Faith Mateson Frankie Faison as William Matheson
Release Date
2020
Language(s)
English
Running Time
100 minutes
I’m a huge fan of Ju-On and it’s first English remake The Grudge (2004). Both movies were formative in fostering my love for horror and scaring me senseless. So when I saw the remake trailer, I felt a sense of nostalgia on top of the impending sense of doom. Remakes usually aren’t the greatest and the January release date only made that sense of dread more palpable. On top of that, the first remake was good enough , so it felt weird to want to try and add something new again. However, that sense of trepidation gave way to slight optimism when I realized that Nicolas Pesce was directing the movie. I loved The Eyes of My Motherand felt that maybe he could deliver a moving remake of a beloved movie. After having just seen the remake, I can confirm that it’s indeed a mixed bag of emotions. The plot feels messy and stretched too thin and the scares feel repetitive and predictable. In spite of this, I found myself thoroughly enjoying some moments. The film has it’s flaws – but it also has cool ideas that I wish it had run with more.
The movie has a main plot and then 3 additional subplots all taking place at different times between 2004-2006. The primary plot follows Detective Muldoon as she finds herself entangled in the “grudge”- a curse that kills anyone that comes into its proximity. The main issue with the movie is that the main plot is pretty boring by itself until the final few moments and a few macabre scenes in the second act. Riseborough is relegated to being an exposition scene and literally just helps Pesce cut to the other more interesting subplots. Each of the subplots deals with a separate family and their own experiences interacting with the “grudge”/each other It’s funny because seemingly the most important subplot is only touched near the end of the film. The subplot featuring the Spencer family is heartfelt and had me feeling something in spite of the messy plot. The Matheson subplot introduces some of most horrifying thinking and I genuinely wish the film had spent most of the time here. There are some creepy ideas that are kind of toyed around with but never expanded on. Honestly, I wish the movie was just more focused. Cut out the incessant exposition and over explaining and just let the character interactions and ideas out. The movie is at its best in precisely these moments.
Acting in the movie is fine- for the most part. It honestly feels like the actors did the best with the way the plot went about so I can’t fault any of them. In spite of sparse characterization, Lin Shaye stole the scenes she was in. I loved her in all the Insiduous movies and watching her play a different role highlights just how much of a range she has. She gives a lot in this performance and made everything involving her really fun. Cho and Gilpin add the only real emotional weight to the convoluted plot. They do a great job in making the unfolding horrors more tragic and less undeserved.
There’s nothing special in terms of camera vision, but that’s mainly because most scenes are just set-ups for obvious jump scares. It’s always characters walking, then finding something, then looking away ,cue realization of impending scare, look back, then scare . It’s okay the first time but it’s lackluster with how well the scares are executed in the other Grudge movies. The lack of creativity in set-ups wasn’t something I was expecting. Thankfully, the score is engaging. It kept me at least partially invested when it came on. Especially during the last two scenes- it makes them memorable.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
All in all – The Grudge (2020) isn’t awful – but it’s definitely a bag of missed opportunities. I appreciate the way it tried to add some new twists to the original Grudge but those attempts fall flat or aren’t pushed far enough – which is a shame because I really enjoyed some of them.If you liked Ju-On or The Grudge I think there’s something in here for you. Yes – it’s not amazing or groundbreaking, but it’s certainly not the worst horror movie I’ve seen. The theater I went to was mostly packed and was quite engaged for a lot of the moments I responded to, so I really think some of ya’ll might enjoy portions of this.
Rating
5.8/10
Grade
F
Go to Page 2 for the spoiler discussion. Go to Page 3 to view this review’s progress report .
Francesca Hayward as Victoria Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella Jason Derulo asa Rum Tum Tugger Juddi Dench as Old Deuteronomy Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots James Corden as Bustopher Jones Idris Elba as Macavity Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy Ian McKellen as Gus
Release Date
2019
Language(s)
English
Running Time
110 minutes
I’m someone who normally gives pieces a more positive and optimistic shot than most. My higher than normal review scores are indicative of that. I always try and find something good to latch on in a movie and have fun with it. I saw the reviews for this movie on opening day and realized the potential horror of what I was walking into. I held onto some hope, because I loved Les Miserables, and thought that even a bad Tom Hooper musical would be okay. I was wrong. Not just wrong – horribly mistaken. By the time the first hour had passed I was literally just praying for the movie to end. This isn’t just the worst movie I’ve seen this year – it’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen.
The movie follows a series of horrific anthropomorphized cats as they talk about this vague competition that leads to an eventual rebirth. I’ll be the first to say I never saw or read about the Broadway show, and the plot was near incomprehensible to me. I’m someone who likes subtitles, so the fact that most of the exposition in the movie was sung hurt my ability to comprehend the movie. That normally wouldn’t be an issue but the film never takes a break to develop any themes or ideas. It literally follows the same structure the whole time- introduce cat – have song – maybe Macavity makes a slight cameo- then repeat. The lack of change in editing makes the whole movie drag on and I felt like I was being forced to endure the length of the film. The whole thing would have felt better 30-40 minutes shorter because at least then the absurdity of the film would stop while it was fresh.
Unlike most typical good bad movies like Troll 2, this film takes its sweet time being subpar so you can’t even laugh at the monstrosity at hand because it never stops or changes. There are few movies that have ever made me want to walk out in frustration – this film has joined the not so prestigious list. It’s not just that its bad- it’s that it won’t stop being bad so you can never laugh at how bad it is because you’re constantly being bombarded by worse elements.
The film goes at a breakneck pace but also feels incredibly slow because nothing meaningful ever happens. The movie could best be described as almost non stop exposition followed by an ending that tries to be emotionally resonant but fails on every note. This is because literally no character arcs or emotional bonds are ever set up in a way that could be conducive to any meaningful development. It’s a shame that the “antagonist” feels like a plot device instead of a meaningful character. I love Idris Elba and seeing him being used in such a poor fashion is upsetting. At least let him give the character some personality as opposed to be being a random bad guy. The only characters that give the movie any personality are Old Deuteronomy and Gus . The former takes command of the scene whenever she appears and makes the events feel more justified even though they’re just as haphazard as we think. The latter adds some emotional panache that gives the film much needed personality and actually helped jolt me awake near the end of the second act (or third act it’s confusing). The lack of real character motivation or explanation makes the whole movie feel like it’s a series of meaningful unrelated events. It literally feels unfinished.
Tonal whiplash is the name of the game and experiencing the shift from puns/comedic moments to the more serious nature of the competition the movie sets up(?) feels out of place. James Corden and Rebel Wilson are usually at least kind of funny, but their style of humor and incorporation into this film feels forced and out of place. I can’t take the movie seriously if the characters in it make jokes about it and poke fun at the holes. Normally this tactic would be fine if the movie didn’t take itself seriously – but it does- and worse than that – it tries to be emotionally resonant. That’s a no-no and absolutely took me out of any immersion I had tried to feel.
Honestly, the biggest issue with the movie is how unappealing the film is. Forget a boring plot. Forget the uninspired songs. Forget the fact that most of the movie feels like an exposition reel through song. Hell, you could forget about all of that if the movie was at least fun. But it isn’t fun. It’s hollow and feels like a quick cash grab. The characters are one dimensional and just repeat lines with no personality. No one’s motivation is explored. The CGI looks unfinished and terrifying at the same time. Some of the characters literally look like humans with “cat” like additions which feels at odd with other characters and makes the shoddy CGI more apparent. The characters are also all strangely sexual. Parents please don’t take your kids. The way the cats licked the milk, flicked their tails, and stretched themselves had me cringing not only in embarrassment but also sheer dread at how horny the whole thing felt like. I guess maybe if you’re a furry you could get something from these moments- but that’s a pretty niche market group.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
Cats broke me. I used to say “no movie is that bad.” But no – some are. You can’t find something great in every piece of media.If you’re a furry maybe you might like it if you can ignore all the awful portions. If you take a shot every time there’s an awful cat pun or a strange sexual moment you might find something fun – but I can’t guarantee anything. Honestly – there’s not a lot here and I’d recommend staying away unless you really like bad movies. At the very least the movie might make influence the zeitgeist so that a future Cats like movie is never created again.
Rating
1.8/10
Grade
F
Is there a point in a spoiler section? I don’t think so . Save yourself. Go to Page 2 to view this review’s progress report .
Alden Ehrenreich as Han Solo Woody Harrelson as Tobias Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra Donal Glover as Lando Phoebe Waller-Bridge as L3-37 Joonas Suotamo as Chewbacca
Release Date
2018
Language(s)
English
Running Time
135 minutes
I saved this review till the end for my Star Wars movie journey for a reason – if Episode IXwasn’t what I wanted it to be I wanted to leave my reviews off on a good note- the franchise has meant a lot to me in the short time since I’ve started binge consuming it and I want the love to show. When I first watched Solo, I had a surprisingly fun time. I say surprising because so many of my friends said the movie was a dud. Box office sales and the internet told me it was a disappointment. Thankfully, I saw the film from a different point of view and was exuberant about the whole package. The movie is packed with passion, humor, fun action scenes, gorgeous visuals, memorable characters, and is a movie Star Wars fans and movie fans alike can enjoy.
First off let me say – if I had gone in and saw this movie with no understanding of Star Wars I still would have liked it. That’s not to say it’s bland or unremarkable in any way – it’s definitely a Star Wars movie. What I mean to say is the movie never really relies on having to know or be familiar with anything. Everything obviously becomes more interesting and fan-servicy in great ways if you’ve watched the other movies in the saga, so I felt doubly intrigued by the way everything unfolded. The story expands the lore of the characters we know and love without ever sacrificing the integrity of future moments. It’s meaningful past retconning – it only serves to make moments and ideas in other movies more resonant. There are also cute additions to the lore of the galaxy so that the rise of the Empire feels more grounded.
The acting and characterization of the major (and even minor) players serves to make the narrative more appealing and memorable. In particular, I loved Alden Ehrenreich’s portrayal of Han Solo. He’s more hopeful and optimistic – with outlines of the rogue we got to know in Episode IV. He doesn’t try and act like Harrison Ford, which I love – no actor can ever really copy another so trying to give life to the character is more important. In this case, I completely believed in him as Han, and as someone who didn’t love the character as much as other fans (namely because of his depiction in Episode VI), I can say without a doubt this movie made me appreciate him more. Alongside Ehrenreich, we have great performances from both Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra and Woody Harrelson as Beckett. The latter came off as an alternative timeline Han and serves as as a great foil to the title character. The former is phenomenal at playing his childhood friend/love interest and brings out a new dynamic I didn’t expect to see. Donald Glover is likable as Lando and feels and acts like how I imagine a younger Lando would act. The biggest surprise of the movie is Chewbacca . He gets a real sense of agency in this movie and I feel like I finally got a chance to know him in a meaningful way as opposed to the hairy sidekick. Watching all the pieces come together, play out, and evolve is a treat.
The plot plays out without a lot of surprises, but the few that do come up are amazing. I won’t spoil them, but I do genuinely want to know how Disney plans on following some of the threads from this film. There’s a lot of potentially cool situations that could play out. While the film mostly plays it safe, the execution of a ton of scenes are top notch. the score is absolutely phenomenal. I mean like- wow – I did not expect it to be this amazing in a spin-off movie. John Powell has done an amazing job and making compelling and epic sounding pieces. If you haven’t seen the movie at least listen to some of the music. This section of “Marauders Arrive” should be enough to convince you. Add onto this the amazing action scenes, gorgeous visual effects, and sharp hitting humor (for the most part) and you’ve got a fun, enjoyable romp to a series of interesting locale.
The production issues become slightly apparent near the end of the film . Lord and Miller are hilarious and I wanted to see how they’d play around with the humor revolving L3-37. I enjoyed the character and thought she could’ve been used more effectively. Some of the fan service also becomes a bit egregious (never awful but we could’ve done without parts of it). Ron Howard did a great job with the position he was put in and definitely helped preserve a lot of decent moments. There are some strange plot points in the third act that I wish were more fleshed out. But all in all , I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and hope that unanswered threads in this movie get resolved in a satisfying media release in the future.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
Solo is a fun movie that adds a lot to the backstory of characters we know and appreciate. I for one, think I’ll enjoy Episodes IV and V more on the re-watch given the way Lando , Han, and Chewie get fleshed out. There are some missed opportunities, slight pacing issues, and a bit of overindulgence in fan service but it never takes away from the fun time at hand.I think this is a movie any Star Wars fan can enjoy. There’s something in here for everybody and the story only plays on the elements we all love. The best part? You can show the movie in group settings with people unfamiliar with the setting and they’d still have a good time.
Rating
8.7/10
Grade
B+
Go to Page 2 for the spoiler discussion. Go to Page 3 to view this review’s progress report .
Imogen Poots as Riley Aleyse Shannon as Kris Lily Donoghue as Marty Cary Elwes as Professor Gelson
Release Date
2019
Language(s)
English
Running Time
92 minutes
(NOTE: When I first wrote this review I had not seen either of the previous Black Christmas movies. As of the most recent edit I have)
Earlier this October, I ended up watching Green Room for my horror movie marathon . I loved Imogen Poots performance in the movie (it stood out to me), so when I saw that she was going to lead a fun looking slasher flick, I had to go ahead and watch it When the movie started I was enthusiastic and don’t get me wrong- I liked a lot of moments. However, I was left disappointed by the ending and the abundance of missed opportunities. This movie had real potential and squanders it by throwing nuance and subtlety out of the window in favor of an absurd resolution that actively hurts the movies themes and renders character arcs dissatisfying.
Poots plays Riley, a sorority member who’s recovering from an assault she experienced on campus. The film is incredibly topical and deals with a lot of issues regarding rape culture and the treatment of assault on campuses. The look into sorority life and mixed feelings about what sisterhood entails are interesting and well established at the beginning of the film. Does commitment to the cause require sharing stories against survivors wills? Poots is great and portrays the struggle she faces with a genuine sincerity that makes rooting for Riley natural. Cary Elwes is hilarious in his campy over the top role as Professor Gelson, a chauvinistic professor who’s a bit too partial to his former frat house. His introduction is great ( in an awful kind of way) and I liked it. He’s also the only redeemable part about the third act so credit is due.
Early kills are also shot well. Yes, they’re obvious and the set up doesn’t feel unique or awe inspiring, but they’re well executed. The first death in the movie set my expectations with how nice it was in both the manner of kill and its aesthetic presentation in the snow. The deaths that follow never reach the same highs in style or impact. That’s pretty bad because we never get to know or learn anything about this character which means a nameless characters death is better executed and has more of an impact than characters we actually get to spend time with.
Early on the film does a great job of establishing the real fear women face everyday. The fear of walking down a street with an innocuous fellow coming down behind you. Even if he’s just out and about and doesn’t mean anything, there’s a palpable fear about the “what if”. Moments like this are littered in the first two acts of the movie and present a horror story grounded in a real kind of feminist critique. The horror is predicated off the power structure that normalizes violence by creating conditions that help men more than women.
Unfortunately, all this subtlety is thrown away by the third act and the interesting themes about empowerment vs martyrdom vs autonomy get completely sidelined for a “hurr durr man is evil” ending. It’s disappointing because it feels like the movie wants to be and feel “woke” in the most neoliberal way, so it sacrifices nuance to just preach common and boring tropes. “Raping women is bad” should not be the benchmark movies aspire to be progressive or meaningful. “All men are bad” likewise doesn’t do anything for the issue except bog it down in muck and make explicit decisions in regards to rape culture impossible to pinpoint. Things like culpability, susceptibility to culture, and the invisible pervasive of power systems feel like jokes by the end of the run-time. Rape culture is a topic that requires nuance and subtlety – something I thought the beginning of the movie hinted at, but I was woefully off. To say I was sad with how everything ended is an understatement. This movie isn’t just a disappointment. It’s a genuine travesty and feels like an insult to feminist theory and praxis.
This would at least be tolerable if the violence or carnage was fun but as I’ve already indicated neither of those targets hit the mark either. In fact, the third act is marred by horrendous cuts, shaky camera, and a genuine want to cover up the action as opposed to displaying it. As a result, any feeling of goodwill vanishes by the end of the third act. Somehow the movie thematically fumbles the ball undoing all the little work it did near the beginning and visually fumbles by not playing up the kills or having nice action set pieces. To come from the original Black Christmasto this feels like a huge step down and a disservice to the amazing social commentary that movie manged to present in the 70’s. Hell, even the 2006 remake of the movie is fun to watch because of how mean spirited and dark its willing to get. This most recent remake can’t even do that. It genuinely feels like a chore to get through and is not a movie I’ll be revising any time soon.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
Black Christmas is bag of missed opportunities that ends up a lot more disappointing than expected. You’d think the story of a victim-turned-survivor fighting for her life against a deranged killer would take more advantage of the #metoo movement, but instead it botches any attempts at depth for contrived story moments. There are some nuanced moments that show promise but they’re never developed in meaningful ways. Is it the worst movie ever? No. Does it deserve the hate it gets? No. Is it a movie that undermines itself and pale in comparison to its predecessors? Yes. Save yourself the time and just watch the original.
Raven-Symonéas Galleria Adrienne Bailon as Chanel Kiely Williams as Aqua Sabrina Bryan as Do
Release Date
2003
Language(s)
English
Running Time
93 minutes
Oh Disney Plus, you nostalgia machine. I only bought the service because of Star Wars – baby Yoda was too cute to resist and since I started the journey in November, I’ve been swept up in Star Wars fever. Buying Disney Plus felt like a must the moment I started The Clone Wars (2008) ( look forward to a review of the first six seasons soon). Thankfully, along with the Star Wars goodness, the service is filled with movies I remember watching by myself or with my sister when we were much younger- good old nostalgic times. When I saw The Cheetah Girls pop up while scrolling, I knew I had to watch it – it was one of my favorite Disney-to-TV movies and I wanted to see how much I would like it over a decade later . Even now, this movie entertains. It has great bops, some cute moments, and an utterly ridiculous plot that’ll have you laughing with friends. This is by no means a good movie- but it is a fun one.
The plot follows the titular Cheetah Girls- a group of four high school kids trying to make it big as musicians while living their own Cheetah Way. Raven plays Galleria, the self appointed leader of the group. Chanel, Aqua , and Dorinda fill out the group, each bringing and adding a different element to the musical group. Acting between the girls feels odd at times (though mostly fine) and makes the relationship feel out of place. This impacts tense moments and undercuts a lot of the potential emotional moments. There are still some heartwarming moments but their overall impact falls short of where they could be. One thing I did appreciate about the film was that every girl (sans Aqua) gets a real moment of growth or emotion that feels semi-earned. In a movie as chaotic as this- that’s a huge deal. I wish it was just more applied and followed through on.
The best part of the movie is obviously the songs. As my sister reminded me, “Cinderella” is a bop and I wholeheartedly agree. It’s surprising how catchy some of these songs still are. The over the top elements add to the corny fun of the whole thing, so I was genuinely enthralled by the experience. The only issue is how poorly edited the music videos are. The camera never properly focuses and jumps a lot. Thankfully, these issues don’t plague the final number too much but it really took me out of the earlier two songs.
What the movie lacks in subtlety it makes up in sheer absurdity. Things in the movie just happen out of nowhere and it proceeds at a breakneck pace. In particular, the third act is just a series of events that are more and more ridiculous. I couldn’t stop laughing at how everyone came together. Granted, the last song and the number are great but it literally makes the whole movie feel like some strange joke. It’s a great, entertaining joke to be sure. It’s hilariously bad in the best way.
There’s some decent buildup for some of the characters but the overarching story of the whole group feels haphazard and out of place. The film doesn’t do a great job at establishing why the girls are together or why they care so much about each other outside of just exhibiting cheetah-ness??I think? So when conflict comes up, it’s hard to understand how the dynamic should be playing out besides the basic way the movie presents itself in. Add on to this to the heavy handedness of certain character traits and absurd resolution of the groups tensions and you have a strangely unsatisfying story that’s fun enough to sit through.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
The Cheetah Girls is a fun ridiculous time. The music is fun, the energy is great, and there’s more than one moment of pure comedic absurdity. If you liked the movie growing up chances are it’s infectious energy will get to you even now, even if you cringe at the plot.
Rating
5.7/10
Grade
F
Go to Page 2 to view this review’s progress report .
A projector starts up and the guttural mechanical sounds of its inner workings cloud the soundscape. Super 8 footage emits from the unseen machine depicting a family, each member of which has their head covered by a bag, being hung on a tree. The gritty footage is augmented by the abrasive noises of the projector – the footage takes on a disturbing home-made quality. Every member of the domestic unit is executed when a tree branch is cut by an entity not shown on the screen. As the family’s feet stop moving, the title card crops up in the lower right corner of the frame, as if etched out against the grain of the celluloid.
The sheriff (Fred Thompson) accosts Elliot (Ethan Hawke). Tracy (Juliet Rylance) questions Elliot (Ethan Hawke) regarding the altercation. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) notices the tree from the opening short film. Ethan’s character is quickly revealed: he’s a writer with a penchant for pissing off the people in charge and he’s willing to do whatever he needs to do get to the heart of his stories, even if it means moving his family to a house where the previous occupants had been murdered.
Post title sequence, the viewer is introduced to the film’s protagonist, Ellison (Ethan Hawke), a writer moving to a new house in an effort to find materials to publish a new best-seller. However, his move is interrupted by a sheriff (Fred Thompson) who accosts him and gives the audience Ellison’s relevant backstory: the writer published a best-seller but struck out with his subsequent novels which not only painted law enforcement as incompetent but also incorrectly assessed the nature of situations being documented. It becomes clear that this current book is Ellison’s attempt at striking gold once more after a set of failures.
Before leaving, the sheriff mentions that Elliot’s pursuits will only bring up answers that no one wants to know and that his decision to move into the house he’s chosen is disrespectful in light of the circumstances surrounding the disappearance. Both warning and condemnation alike are ignored by Elliot who waives the sheriff off. This interaction is noted by Ellison’s wife, Tracy (Juliet Rylance), who asks her husband what the altercation was about. She hesitatingly questions if the house the family has moved into is next to a murder site again, implying that Elliot has made the family move to dangerous locations before. He assuages her concerns and confirms the house is not neighboring a murder location. But as he stares at the same broken tree from the snuff film from the opening, it becomes clear that he’s moved his family into an abyss where a family was hung. Far from keeping the family some proximity away from the terrors of his investigative work, he’s brought them right into the heart of darkness.
A scorpion rattles Elliot. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) , Tracy (Juliet Rylance) , and their children sit at the table surrounded by darkness. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) starts the Super-8 footage. A family sits in an idyllic picnic setting. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) is disturbed by the footage……as the family is hung on the tree. Ethan’s decision to put his family at the heart of darkness can be immediately felt in the brutally dark lighting. The moment he finds the tapes, dread sets in. The opening has primed us for homegrown horrors and the tape confirms as much, showcasing the transformation of an idyllic family image into a monstrous nightmare.
The all-encompassing evil surrounding his family makes its appearance felt as the four-person unit eats dinner in complete black. They don’t know what Elliot has dragged them into and act in total bliss, unaware of the abyss slowly encroaching from all around. Unfortunately, this façade is one doomed to collapse as Elliot discovers when he goes upstairs to do some unpacking. He notices a black scorpion near a box filled with super 8 film reels. Suddenly, the title sequence rears its ugly head again – the scorpion becomes an emissary of terrible things to come.
Alas, Elliot is unaware of these connections and takes the box of “home videos” downstairs after trying to dispatch the scorpion. He goes into his private study, far from the eyes of his family, and starts to play the tapes. At first, the super 8 footage depicts a peaceful domestic image; a family plays around while having a joyous looking picnic. However, this idyllic image is shattered as the jittery footage cuts to the title sequence’s footage – it becomes clear that this cheerful family is the same one the viewer saw being hung. Now, Elliot has seen the same. Now, the tree in his backyard seems all the more ominous. Now, evil has made its presence brazenly known.
The tree covers the moon. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) looks at the tree. The tree looks down upon Elliot (Ethan Hawke). Upon watching the video, Elliot is drawn to the tree and it seems to communicate to him, warning him about the impending danger.
Perturbed by the experience, Elliot goes outside to check on the tree and is confronted by its looming presence. It’s as if the spirits of the family still linger from where they were executed, warning Elliot of what’s to come. Nevertheless, he persists and goes back to his study to continue investigating the demented home films.
The carnage is displayed on Elliot’s (Ethan Hawke) glasses. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) calls the police. Elliot (Ethan Hawke) looks at copies of Kentucky blood. The bloodshed of the tapes proves too much for Elliot and he goes to call the police and bring in official help, but then the red from the tapes becomes replaced with the red of his best-selling book and his convictions shift again; fame is worth more than anything and to jeopardize that for the public good is foolhardy. This is Elliot’s Faustian deal.
But the footage proves to be too much. Each film he watches follows the same pattern – a peaceful vision of a family which is followed by their gruesome execution. Finally, the violence erupts and totally breaks Elliot down. Shocked and disgusted, he takes out phone and dials the police, ready to get legal enforcement in on an issue which seems to be more heinous than he previously imagined.
And then he stops. He looks up and sees a stack of his bestseller, Kentucky Blood, sitting perched on a shelf under a bright light, a limelight from a past age. The decadent red color of the books entrance Elliot; within them, he sees this case as a chance at being great all over again. The allure of greatness takes precedence over all else, and he turns the phone off. A decision made that cannot be undone.
This is the heart of Sinister and where the film excels: the story of a writer pursuing the restoration of his status at all else, making a Faustian deal with to get back in the limelight. The film spends the entirety of its run-time with Elliot as he attempts to discover the root of the mystery, the reason behind the murders, and the connective tissue behind the tapes. The more he watches the found-footage films, the more he gets invested. Because we’re forced to watch with him, the same sense of morbid curiosity infects us. Even though the conclusion of each tape is foregone, there’s a horrific spell cast that makes it impossible to avert the eyes from the screen. It’s in these moments, watching a man watch horror films, that Sinister manages to unnerve the most. The true crime feeling gives the supernatural events captured on the home videos gone wrong a palpable malevolence – they’re meanspirited and get under the skin because of how vicious and unforgiving they are.
These moments gain their power not from gore but from their propensity at triggering the viewer’s imagination. At a fundamental level, there’s something creepy about super 8 film stock because of the way the texture of it obfuscates and “dirties” the image. There’s an uncomfortable grittiness that’s always present. Normal images are distorted enough to feel unnerving, but the hellish and inexplainable nature of what’s depicted only amplify the feeling. Sinister takes this unease and transforms it into palpable dread with its sound design. Along with the sounds of the projector, the film utilizes distortions, scratches, incomplete jumbles, demonic choral riffs, and other sonic oddities to create states of paranoia. Something is always buzzing or disconcerting enough to create worry. Because of this, the viewer is forced to think about where the noise is coming from and what it has to do with the image. There’s a fundamental disconnect between what’s going on and that sense of mystery is what generates unease and causes one’s thoughts to run wild. Like Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chain SawMassacre, Sinister evokes the feeling that one has seen gore of the most depraved kind even when no gore has been shown purely by stimulating unconscious fears regarding the situation.
It’s precisely when the film tries to explain the nature of its supernatural set-up and remove the level of mystery that it suffers; the unconscious fears that had previously been building up fizzle out as the direct explanation of the spectral undermines the unease by which it operates. The film goes for these more overt gestures in order to engage in predictable, expendable jump-scare sequences that pad the story until it ends. In fact, once the last home movie is played, there’s a significant drop in narrative momentum, as the film becomes lost on how to effectively move the characters to the next story beat.
This should not have been the case; the terrors should have been built around and upon Elliot’s compromised relationship with his family and his obsessive pursuit of a glorious time at the cost of everything else. It is precisely in the destruction of the idyllic family life that Sinister disturbs deepest, so the larger story should have been focused more on the disintegration of the family unit in relation Elliot’s decision; however, the film only ever shows his arguments with Tracy and even those play second-fiddle to the film’s investigation into the actual nature of the supernatural mystery, which as previously mentioned, undermines what makes the film effective. Consequently, the tension that the first half excels in is lost for much of the latter portion of the film as both character and narrative momentum is squandered on cheap thrills that pale in comparison to the frights from before.
This pivot in focus is a shame because it squanders Ethan Hawke’s grounded and terrified character work which otherwise laid out a perfect foundation on which to build the film. His emphatic reactions to the home movies is part of the reason they come off as so disturbing. There’s a visceral pain he imparts upon seeing the families meet their end. But then this pain is juxtaposed against the ambition in his eyes that props up every time he’s reminded of his past. Both heaven and hell are present in his gaze and lets the viewer at least understand his character’s actions even the consequences seem disastrous.
Thankfully, the final few minutes of the film bring the narrative back to the threads that made it compelling to begin with, both subverting the the haunted house story and resolving Elliot’s arc in satisfying fashion. It’s a far cry from the potential hinted at in the opening act, but Sinister‘s craft, mood, and performance carry its uneven narrative to terrifying heights.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
Sinister starts strong as a true-crime styles supernatural thriller that follows an author going in over his head to get a story, but falters towards the end as it settles for cheap and conventional horror tactics. When the film is at it’s best, it’s truly terrifying and promises to unsettle even the most veteran of horror aficionados, but at it’s worst, the film does little more than undermine the basis of what makes it so effective. Thankfully, with an near impeccable first act, a thoroughly engaging performance by Ethan Hawke, and a perfectly poetic ending, there’s much to recommend for viewers looking for a spooky time.
Rating
8.5/10
Grade
B+
Go to Page 2for the spoiler discussion and more in-depth analysis. Go to Page 3 to view this review’s progress report .
Florench Pugh as Dani Ardor Jack Reynor as Christian Vilhelm Blomgren as Pelle William Jackson Harper as Josh Will Poulter as Mark
Release Date
2019
Language(s)
English
Running Time
148 minutes 171 minutes (Director’s Cut)
When I saw Hereditary in late 2018, I was left absolutely floored. I couldn’t believe a movie could hit me in so many different ways. The majority of the scares came from the tense and emotional family drama. Grief. Responding to tragedy. Trying to move on. Ari Aster had made a horror movie that found the horror in the most real and genuine moments that a lot of families have gone through (some more than others). When I saw that A24 was releasing another movie by him the next year, I knew I would be buying my tickets in advance. I’m more than happy to report that Aster did not disappoint. Midsommar is a hell of a ride. I should know – I’ve seen the movie five times. This review will deal primarily with the normal theatrical cut, but I will have a rating for both cuts of the film.
The movie follows a group of friends on their journey to Sweden for a festival that only happens once every 90 years. The moment the movie started I was gripped. The opening scene is intense. When I say intense, I mean wow. Genuinely gets me every time and this is before the “title” card even comes up. We get beautiful shots of nature, closeups of the tragedy to come, ominous foreshadowing, great initial character work, and an incredibly relatable introduction into the core thread of the movie- a crumbling relationship. Somehow, Aster manages to fit in a little bit of everything in a short time while giving a great road map to the tale that awaited.
Every single member of the main craw acted phenomenally. The chemistry (or lack thereof) between them makes every single element feel human and personable.Florence Pugh is downright AMAZING. The stress, the worry, the constant doubt, the codependency , the weariness – every element she gives in the first 10 minutes had me invested in how her character would progress. I cared about Dani. Watching her react and emote to the struggles she goes through is satisfying and makes a lot of the emotional moments in the movie stick in my head. Likewise Jack manages to do a great job of making the audience really hate him as Dani’s asshole aficionado boyfriend. It takes a lot to make me dislike a character that much, but I absolutely hated Christian. He’s grimy in a way that’s pretty normal which is what gives the movie such a sinister feeling. It makes you cheer against someone who really isn’t so different from ourselves. William Jackson Harper is great as Josh and feels like the first person who could be typecast as “nerdy philosophical guy who digs himself into serious problems”. I’m only half kidding, but his portrayal of a geeky super serious nerd is touching and alarming. Will Poulter is comedic gold as Mark and had me laughing literally every time he came on the screen. He helped keep the movie from ever feeling like “too much”. Rounding off the cast, Vilhelm Blomgren is great as Pelle. He’s calm and comforting which helps make the story feel that much more rounded in theme. The characters all play off each other well and watching the interactions bloom between them keeps every moment relevant. I always cared about what was going to happen to them.
This film has been described by Aster as “more of a fairy tale than a horror film,” and I couldn’t have said it better myself. This isn’t a horror movie in the traditional sense. It has gruesome elements. There are certainly moments that are unnerving and unsettling. However, the main crux of the movie deals with toxicity in relationships- romantic and platonic. Friendships are revealed for what they really are- there’s gas lighting, projection, passive aggressive behavior , and insensitivity. The fact that it all feels so real is what makes it so terrifying. There’s something recognizable in each of these moments which forces you to think about yourself in uncomfortable ways. The juxtaposition of feeling redeemed but simultaneously condemned as different relationships were revealed is something I haven’t really experienced in a movie before. But that’s the thing about people right? We’re toxic at times but also go through other toxic stuff and this movie gets that and dives right into exploring the ways we hurt ourselves and others. The first time I saw the movie , I left the theater and just started crying. It was a lot to kind of process and deal with. In my second viewing, I felt joy. A sense of elation. By the end of the movie I was laughing almost gleefully. You can always find a new way to relate or enjoy something about the film if you let yourself fall under its spell.
On top of this, the movie is downright hilarious. Like I said above, Poulter is great and has a ton of great one liners. But the fun doesn’t stop with him. The sometimes absurd reaction of certain characters to different phenomena and the way they react to certain scenarios always creates an incredibly perverse humor. There’s one scene in the third act, that had the entire audience laughing every time I saw it – but the scene itself is horrifying in terms of implication. When you realize what you’re laughing at there’s almost a sick realization of depravity. Like you’ve done something wrong, but right. That’s a special kind of humor and it never feels out of place with the other jokes.
Finally, the movie is a visual masterpiece. The movie features the use of hallucinogens. When the characters trip, the visuals match. They don’t look unrealistic or absurd like how movies want to think trips are- instead, they’re incredibly realistic. It’s honestly mesmerizing and is the best depiction I’ve seen of what the influence of those materials looks like in media. There are tons of little visual clues in a lot of scenes that will have you asking about what’s really going on. It’s a great directing technique that keeps the audience in the same frame of mind as the characters. I could feel their panic and sense of unease. Furthermore, there are so many gorgeous shots in this movie that I could easily screenshot and print out in a frame. Gorgeous wide shots of nature and the pagan festivities really sells the eerie folk feeling. The movie also takes place entirely in “the morning” which makes it even better , because the feeling of something being wrong is amplified. Aster uses mirrors and reflective surfaces to great effect, especially in dialogue scenes which creates beautiful depictions of character relations while augmenting the already astounding aesthetic.
Sound is done well and I actually noticed how well mixing was done. Sounds dim in and out based on character feeling and the intensity of the drug induced trip they’re in which only increases engagement with them. The score is also iconic and I’ve listened to it on Spotify countless times. When the music starts playing, everything starts feeling more spiritual and evocative. It’s hard to describe but it’s almost ethereal in how it amplifies the movie. It’s also used to give otherwise horrifying scenes an almost positive and spiritual vibe. Watching moments in the third act with the sound off gives the movie a brand new sinister vibe which just seems to prove to me how masterful every element adds to one another.
DIRECTOR’S CUT
If you like this movie the first time (especially if you’ve seen only the theatrical cut), I’d highly recommend watching the Director’s cut for a second watch through because of how much it reinforces and expands on what you already know from the last movie.
The Director’s cut is really good at building up character moments. Christian is more of an ass and his relationship with both Josh and Dani are fleshed out even more. It makes the payoff in the third act more satisfying and also explains some character issues I thought were slightly “too much” more understandable.
Furthermore, the cult’s activities are expanded in ways that both give events in the third act more relevance but help flesh out the group more. They feel more sinister while at the same time giving off a larger aura of spirituality. Smaller details are given far more weight which makes the whole experience feel more justified and set-up.
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TLDR
Midsommar is a beautiful look into the way we treat each other and the consequences of abandoning responsibility. Depending on your point of view it can be a horror or a cathartic fairy tail which gives it a lot of replay value. I thought the movie was near flawless when I first saw it, and only loved it that much more upon watching the Director’s cut. I’ve loved and raved about the movie above, but I’d only recommend watching it if you like those artsy weird horror films – The Witch, It Follows,etc. I recognize the movies aren’t for everyone and I’d hate if you had a bad time.
Rating
10/10 10/10(Director’s Cut)
Grade
A+
Go to Page 2 to view this review’s progress report .
Linda Cardellini as Anna Tate-Garcia Raymond Cruz as Rafael Olvera Patricia Velásquez as Patricia Alvarez Marisol Ramirez as La Llorona
Release Date
2019
Language(s)
English
Running Time
93 minutes
Boring. Uninspired. Dull. These are the first words that come to my head when I think of The Curse of La Llorona. Despite having seen the movie only a few days ago, I can barely remember large portions of it because of how uninspired and hollow the characters and their story are. It’s a shame, because as a huge fan of the Conjuring franchise, I wanted to have a fun time with Michael Chaves debut in the same.
The movie follows Anna, an recently widowed social services worker who’s life is subsequently haunted by the titular weeping women, La Llorona. Even though the plot unfolds exactly like how you think it would, the performances are never awful. Caddellini does what she can as a worried mother fighting for the sake of her family but the plot never lets her flesh herself out more in an interesting way. The child actors also do their job. There was almost a moment where I felt myself caring for their struggle. Unfortunately, the film never builds on that feeling and by the time the terrifying events start ensuing I had to struggle to find a reason to watch.
The real issue is how underdeveloped the plot feels. There are some initial stakes and interesting situations set up- but then instead of letting those threads play out naturally everything just gets pushed to the periphery in favor of a generic series of jump scares. This movie has all the tell tale signs of a generic supernatural horror story- random noises, the camera suddenly “revealing” the threat, characters doing incredibly out of place things despite knowing the danger of everything, and magical solutions working or not working depending on what the plot necessitated. As such, nothing ever feels scary. Every scare is telegraphed from miles away.
Add on to this the feeling of coincidence- nothing ever feels like an authentic character decision and everything feels out of place. There’s this whole subplot with child abuse and misdirection but instead of doing something interesting with that and doing a nuanced commentary on how certain bodies are demarcated and judged without getting a fair shot to present their stories- everything is glossed over for a new scare. It makes every moment feel hollow and empty.
I would have been more okay with this if the scares were at least interesting or terrifying , but the special effects and actual scare reveals lack any meaningful buildup and failed to ever elicit any kind of real response from me. The only thing that separates this movie from the random horror movie you’d stumble on in the middle of the night on a streaming service is the higher production values. It helps the movie at least feel more refined, but its just like putting lipstick on a pig.
REPORT CARD
TLDR
The Curse of La Llorona is a disappointing story that squanders a lot of the potential of its source material. You should think of the film as a vehicle for cheap jump scares- elements like characters or the score almost feel like afterthoughts to the scare set-ups.As someone who even had fun with The Nun, the fact that I couldn’t find anything to latch on in this movie says a lot. Watch it if you feel a special connection to the myth and are okay with watching a bland enactment of the horror from the same.